Faith Musing

Final Blog Post

2011-06-27T16:59:00.003-04:00

I have been giving this some thought and prayer for several months now.... the time has come to end my blog. When I first began blogging, I would have all kinds of creative ideas for blogging. It felt very Spirit led and inspired. Over the past year or more, I have felt more burdened than blessed by this; it has become a chore. So... that means my blogging, at least now, will come to an end.

As I transition out of Chesapeake City and into Wesley in Dover, it seems like a natural time to make the transition. I still need to copy off some of my older posts that I want to save.

Thanks for sharing the journey with me during this time. I am honored that you have read what I have written.

Blessings
Amy

Holy Communion, Lord's Supper, Eucharist

2011-04-21T15:47:00.006-04:00

Many times I have considered posting my sermons here, and have even had some requests. Truth be told, its a bit of vanity that keeps me from doing so. The outline notes I have don't feel to me as though they convey the sermon well. That's because they are simply notes, not a manuscript of a sermon as many preachers use.

But today, as I was sitting in the sanctuary praying, I felt led to post this outline. It is one that I created years ago, based upon Larry Stookey's book Eucharist, so really he gets the credit here.
All I have done is outline his concepts, and put them into an acronym. To my memory, this is the only acronym I have ever created. There are some who are gifted at these...I'm not one of them.
Also written here are some excerpts from John Wesley and his preaching on communion.

I will be using this outline again to guide my preaching on the Last Supper this Maundy Thursday.

STRAFE- sacrifice, thanksgiving, remembrance of Jesus’ death, action of the Holy Spirit, fellowship, and eschatology. All of these are conveyed through the sacrament.

A. STRAFE- the foundation of this mystery. Strafe means to scatter widely…a way that God delivers grace.

a. S: Sacrifice- Christ’s life, death, and resurrection make God’s grace available to us. We also present ourselves as sacrifice in union with Christ (Rom 12:1, 1Peter2:5) to be used in the work of redemption, reconciliation, and justice

b. T: Thanksgiving: expressing joy for God’s acts in history. Creation, Covenant, Redemption, Sanctification

c. R: Remembrance: of Jesus’ death for us. A re-presentation of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Christ is risen, and alive here and now.

d. A: Action of the Holy Spirit: John 14:26 But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.”

i. Great Thanksgiving: “Pour out your Holy Spirit on us gathered here, and on these gifts of bread and wine. Make them be for us the body and blood of Christ, that we may be for the world that body of Christ, redeemed by Christ’s blood. By your Spirit make us one with Christ, one with each other, and one in ministry with all the world.”

ii. This meal nourishes and strengthens our faith. It sustains us through trial, tragedy, temptation

e. F: Fellowship: celebrates the body of the faithful coming together, reveals the nature of the church, and the model God would have for the world

f. E: Eschatology: looks to the end of time, and God’s purpose for the world

i. “Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again.”

ii. Commune with those here, and with all the saints

iii. A foretaste of the future, a promise of heaven, “until Christ comes in final victory and we feast at his heavenly banquet.”

iv. When we eat and drink at the Table, we partake of the divine nature in this life and for life eternal.

v. Anticipate heavenly banquet celebrating God’s victory over sin, evil, and death (tragedy)

It is a plain command of Christ (John Wesley)

A. If we don’t take it to mean that we are do it constantly, than how often are we to obey? Of course it would be at every opportunity, otherwise we are being disobedient

B. People who complain that it detracts from reverence- suppose that it did. God commands us “do this.” When able to do it now, but will not, by making the excuse “if I do it so often, it will abate the reverence with which I do it now.” Begs the question: Has God ever told you that you when obeying his command diminishes your reverence, then you may disobey it? If God has said this, then you may avoid communion. If not, then diminished reverence is no reason to avoid the sacrament

Let America be America Again

2011-04-19T14:06:00.003-04:00

A friend of mine shared this poem with me and I found it as moving as she did. It was written by Langston Hughes, who was a black, gay, liberal, pro-union man.

Let America be America Again

Let America be America again.
Let it be the dream it used to be.
Let it be the pioneer on the plain
...Seeking a home where he himself is free.

(America never was America to me.)

Let America be the dream the dreamers dreamed--
Let it be that great strong land of love
Where never kings connive nor tyrants scheme
That any man be crushed by one above.

(It never was America to me.)

O, let my land be a land where Liberty
Is crowned with no false patriotic wreath,
But opportunity is real, and life is free,
Equality is in the air we breathe.

(There's never been equality for me,
Nor freedom in this "homeland of the free.")

Say, who are you that mumbles in the dark?
And who are you that draws your veil across the stars?

I am the poor white, fooled and pushed apart,
I am the Negro bearing slavery's scars.
I am the red man driven from the land,
I am the immigrant clutching the hope I seek--
And finding only the same old stupid plan
Of dog eat dog, of mighty crush the weak.

I am the young man, full of strength and hope,
Tangled in that ancient endless chain
Of profit, power, gain, of grab the land!
Of grab the gold! Of grab the ways of satisfying need!
Of work the men! Of take the pay!
Of owning everything for one's own greed!

I am the farmer, bondsman to the soil.
I am the worker sold to the machine.
I am the Negro, servant to you all.
I am the people, humble, hungry, mean--
Hungry yet today despite the dream.
Beaten yet today--O, Pioneers!
I am the man who never got ahead,
The poorest worker bartered through the years.

Yet I'm the one who dreamt our basic dream
In the Old World while still a serf of kings,
Who dreamt a dream so strong, so brave, so true,
That even yet its mighty daring sings
In every brick and stone, in every furrow turned
That's made America the land it has become.
O, I'm the man who sailed those early seas
In search of what I meant to be my home--
For I'm the one who left dark Ireland's shore,
And Poland's plain, and England's grassy lea,
And torn from Black Africa's strand I came
To build a "homeland of the free."

The free?

Who said the free? Not me?
Surely not me? The millions on relief today?
The millions shot down when we strike?
The millions who have nothing for our pay?
For all the dreams we've dreamed
And all the songs we've sung
And all the hopes we've held
And all the flags we've hung,
The millions who have nothing for our pay--
Except the dream that's almost dead today.

O, let America be America again--
The land that never has been yet--
And yet must be--the land where every man is free.
The land that's mine--the poor man's, Indian's, Negro's, ME--
Who made America,
Whose sweat and blood, whose faith and pain,
Whose hand at the foundry, whose plow in the rain,
Must bring back our mighty dream again.

Sure, call me any ugly name you choose--
The steel of freedom does not stain.
From those who live like leeches on the people's lives,
We must take back our land again,
America!

O, yes,
I say it plain,
America never was America to me,
And yet I swear this oath--
America will be!

Out of the rack and ruin of our gangster death,
The rape and rot of graft, and stealth, and lies,
We, the people, must redeem
The land, the mines, the plants, the rivers.
The mountains and the endless plain--
All, all the stretch of these great green states--
And make America again!

Langston Hughes

Invitation to Observe a Holy Lent

2011-03-08T14:02:00.004-05:00

On this Shrove Tuesday, as we prepare to begin the Lenten journey on Ash Wednesday, I invited you to observe a Holy Lent.

May this traditional invitation bless you as you reflect upon it:

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ:
the early Christians observed with great devotion
the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection,
and it became the custom of the Church
that before the Easter celebration
there should be a forty-day season of spiritual preparation.
During this season converts to the faith
were prepared for Holy Baptism.

It was also a time when persons who had committed serious sins
and had separated themselves from the community of faith
were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness,
and restored to participation in the life of the Church.

In this way the whole congregation was reminded
of the mercy and forgiveness proclaimed
in the gospel of Jesus Christ
and the need we all have to renew our faith.

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church,
to observe a holy Lent:
by self-examination and repentance;
by prayer, fasting, and self-denial;
and by reading and meditating on God's Holy Word.

United Methodist Book of Worship

[This text is public domain and comes from the Book of Common Prayer]

Theology and Protestors

2011-03-02T17:47:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine sent me a link to a youtube video from the Lawrence O'Donnell show. A Wisconsin state senator was interviewed saying that they are trying to keep protesters out of the building because the building is becoming a "pig sty." The person on the other side of the interview countered that the folks spending the night are not slobs, as the senator calls them, but police officers, nurses, and firefighters. The senator then responded by saying they are "college TAs, college students, and hangers on." Later he says there are also unemployed people looking for something to do. They are just there to have a party according to the senator.

We human beings don't learn do we? No matter how many times history and theology teach us that people are people... no matter how often we hear our nation's declaration of independence quoted "we hold these truths to be self evident: all men are created equal" many of us just don't believe it, do we?

It would seem that in this example college TAs, college students, unemployed people, and "hangers on" are not welcome, not worthy, and cannot exercise their right to free speech without creating a pig sty. They are somehow less.

I understand that at the root of our desire to categorize, stereotype, and dismiss people who are different than we are is fear. We fear what we don't understand. We fear what is different from us. The senator said he would not bring his children to the state capital building with it in this state. I find that telling. The only antidote I know of for this spiritual problem (it is a spiritual problem) is the gift of compassion and the freedom from fear that comes through faith.

Two of the great testimonies of the saints through the ages are
1. perfect love casts out fear (1John4:18)
2. The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion (Psalm 116:5)

These are two of my favorite things about my relationship with Jesus: I am taught how to become increasingly free of fear (its a life long journey), and I am taught compassion by the One who knows all about love and compassion. The saints testify that the more we know, love, and serve Jesus, the more compassionate the Holy Spirit makes us. This is because the Spirit works within us to make us more like Jesus.

Here are some beautiful excerpts from the United Methodist Social Principles. It's good to be reminded of what we teach and believe, I think.

We affirm all persons as equally valuable in the sight of God. We therefore work toward societies in which each person’s value is recognized, maintained, and strengthened. We support the basic rights of all persons to equal access to housing, education, communication, employment, medical care, legal redress for grievances, and physical protection. We deplore acts of hate or violence against groups or persons based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or economic status. Our respect for the inherent dignity of all persons leads us to call for the recognition, protection, and implementation of the principles of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights so that communities and individuals may claim and enjoy their universal, indivisible, and inalienable rights. para. 162 The Social Community

We claim all economic systems to be under the judgment of God no less than other facets of the created order. Therefore, we recognize the responsibility of governments to develop and implement sound fiscal and monetary policies that provide for the economic life of individuals and corporate entities and that ensure full employment and adequate incomes with a minimum of inflation. We believe private and public economic enterprises are responsible for the social costs of doing business, such as employment and environmental pollution, and that they should be held accountable for these costs. We support measures that would reduce the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few. We further support efforts to revise tax structures and to eliminate governmental support programs that now benefit the wealthy at the expense of other persons. para. 163 The Economic Community

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.

Missional Church

2011-02-23T15:38:00.002-05:00

I am part of a facebook group that turned me onto this video by Alan Hirsch. He is a gifted missiologist- that is the fancy term for student and teacher of the mission of the church.

It is worth 18 minutes of time to watch.

Favorite quotes...he is rephrasing Einstein in the first one:

"The problems of the church cannot be resolved with the same kind of thinking that created those problems in the first place."

"If we want to dig a hole over there, its no good digging deeper here."

"Part of our problem is the death of imagination."

God has no grandchildren comes to mind. How the church responds to the truth that Christianity is in decline will have enormous import for the future. I am praying that creative, life giving ministry will flourish.

2011-02-16T15:28:00.000-05:00

I just read this blog post, which I found here and thought it worth sharing.

My Faith: Suffering my way to a new tomorrow

Editor's Note: Rob Bell is the Founding Pastor at Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. His latest book and DVD are called Drops Like Stars.

By Rob Bell, Special to CNN

One Friday evening in the fall of my senior year of college I got a headache.

I took some aspirin, laid on the couch, and waited for it to go away. But it didn't; it got worse. By midnight I was in agony, and by 3 a.m. I was wondering if I was going to die.

As the sun rose, my roommate drove me to the hospital where I learned that I had viral meningitis. A neurologist explained to me that the fluid around my brain had become infected and was essentially squeezing my brain against the walls of my skull.

So that's what that was.

The doctor informed me that it would take a number of weeks in bed to recover.

This didn't fit with my plan.

I was in a band at the time. We'd been playing shows in the Chicago area for a while and had just landed our biggest club dates yet in the city - all of them scheduled over the next several weeks.

We had to cancel all of them.

As this reality hit me, laying there in that hospital bed miles from home with a brain infection, I distinctly remember asking no one in particular "Now what?"

I was devastated. This was not how it was supposed to go. The band was my life, my future, my singular focus. We had just canceled our biggest gigs ever. Eventually I recovered enough to return to school but things weren't the same. Whatever had been driving us in the band wasn't there like it had been before and so we came to the mutual conclusion that it had been great while it lasted and now it was time for the band to come to an end.

I don't think I'd ever felt more lost. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I had all this energy and passion and I wanted desperately to give myself to something that mattered, but I had no plan.

I would walk around campus in a daze, muttering the same prayer over and over, which took the form of "Now what?"

Do you know that feeling when you're playing soccer and you lunge for the ball but you aren't fast enough and the player on the other team has already kicked it quite hard and the ball travels with ferocious velocity and force into your groin region and you keel over, gasping for breath, your voice several octaves higher?

It was like the existential version of that.

And then, things took a strange, beautiful turn.

In the days and weeks following the band's breakup, people I barely knew would stop me out of the blue and say things like, "Have you thought about being a pastor?" Friends I hadn't talked to in months would contact me and say, "For some reason I think you're going to be a pastor."

Me, a pastor? Seriously?

The idea began to get a hold of me and it wouldn't let go. A calling welled up within me, a direction, something I could give myself to.

I tell you this story about what happened to me 19 years ago because I assume you're like me - really good at making plans and plotting and scheming and devising just how to make your life go how it's "supposed" to go.

We are masters of this. We know exactly how things are supposed to turn out.

And then we suffer. There's a disruption - death, disease, job loss, heartbreak, betrayal or bankruptcy.

The tomorrow we were expecting disappears. And we have no other plan.

Suffering is traumatic and awful and we get angry and we shake our fists at the heavens and we vent and rage and weep. But in the process we discover a new tomorrow, one we never would have imagined otherwise.

I have interacted with countless people over the years who, when asked to identify key moments, turning points, and milestones in their lives, usually talk about terribly difficult, painful things. And they usually say something along the lines of "I never would have imagined that would happen to me."

Imagined is a significant word here. Suffering, it turns out, demands profound imagination. A new future has to be conjured up because the old future isn't there anymore.

Now I realize that what happened to me - the fluid around my brain swelling up and squeezing it against the walls of my skull – is nothing compared to the pain and tragedy many people live with every day.

But that experience irrevocably altered my life. Nothing was ever the same again. My plans fell apart, which opened me up to entirely new future.

This truth, about the latent seeds of creativity being planted in the midst of suffering, takes us deep into the heart of the Christian faith. We are invited to trust that in the moments when we are most inclined to despair, when all appears lost and we can't imagine any way forward - that it is precisely in those moments when something new may be about to be birthed.

Jesus hangs naked and bloody on a cross, alone and abandoned by his students, scorned by the crowd, and yet defiant, confident, insistent that God is present in his agony, bringing about a whole new world, right here in the midst of this one.

This is a mystery, and one we are wise to reflect on it, because of the countless disruptions we experience all the time.

God is in those moments, grieving with us, shedding tears with us, feeling that pain and turmoil with us, and then inviting to trust that something good can come from even this.

So keep your eyes and your heart open. Be quick to listen and slow to make rash judgments about how it's "all going to turn out," because you never know when you'll find yourself miles from home, laying in a hospital bed with a bad case of brain squeeze, all of your plans crashing down around you, wondering how it all went wrong, only to discover that a whole new life is just beginning.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Rob Bell.

Devotional Guide I Love

2011-02-10T15:26:00.002-05:00

While I was on retreat, I began using a new devotional guide for some of my prayer time. The book is Openings: A Daybook of Saints, Psalms, and Prayer by Larry James Peacock. It is published by Upper Room books and came out in 2003.

It is a wonderful combination of daily reflections about great Christians throughout time, psalm reading, and suggestions for various prayer practices. It teaches breath prayer, lectio devina, prayer of presence, and much more. It is a calendared book; the author often uses particular dates significant in the life of a saint to write about them on a particular day. But I think it would be fine to just start at the beginning, regardless of what the actual date on our calendar may be. Better to read it front to back rather than start on the correct date because it builds on itself over time.

It never ceases to amaze me how a good prayer guide can make a difference in my day.

You can find it here at the Cokesbury website (our UM Publishing house) for about fifteen bucks. Or you may find it elsewhere.

Silent Retreat

2011-02-03T16:50:00.002-05:00

I had a wonderful experience at the Jesuit Retreat Center on a 7 day silent retreat. For years I had wanted to participate in a silent retreat; it was as much a blessing as I hoped it would be. That said, I went into the retreat with low expectations. I was tired. I don't mean tired in the sense of needing a good night's rest. I mean my spirit was tired, and I didn't expect that a week could do enough for me.

I arrived on Tuesday evening. After dinner, we had worship and entered into silence. The first two days, I spent trying to recover from being physically tired. I slept, I read, I knitted, I got a massage and a pedicure (the least expensive I have ever found, sixty dollars for everything). But my spirit was still tired.

By Friday, I was ready to begin praying with Scripture. St. Ignatius was the founder of the Jesuit order; my spiritual director and the retreat center are in the Jesuit tradition. He is the saint who focused upon praying with Scripture by using all five senses to imagine entering the story. Over the rest of the week, I spent time doing yoga and spiritual direction and worship each morning, walking each afternoon, and praying with a story or two each day. I prayed with one story in the afternoon and one in the evening. I would imagine the story, and see where I felt led to imagine myself participating, and listen for what I was to hear from the story. Afterwards, I would journal my experiences.

I spent time with the story of the woman with the issuance of blood reaching out for Jesus' healing by touching the hem of his garment. At first, I wanted to imagine Jesus getting off the boat wearing Jeans, but then I didn't have a hem to reach out and touch. So I had to change my mental image to the more traditional flowing robe look. It was powerful to place myself in the role of the woman seeking healing and listen to Jesus say "daughter, your faith has made you well."

The story in John 5 where Jesus sees the man lying in the portico was also a great story for me. I was led to it because I had been hearing "do you want to be made well?" for weeks prior to the retreat. I was amused and chastened to find that the man's response was to complain. He complained that he couldn't get to the water because whenever it was stirred up, others stepped in front of him. What I heard being spoken to my heart was to let go of my complaints and to focus upon the healing waters of Grace. I confess I was not immediately able to let go of my complaints. I imagined floating in the pool after my conversation with Jesus (and tried not to think about what gets stirred up in the pool). I was reminded of one of my favorite images of grace. It is picturing grace like a flowing river and seeing whether I am running next to the river, or allowing God's grace to carry me as I float along in the river.

I prayed with stories including Ezekiel and the valley of dray bones, the Samaritan woman, and the images of heaven in Revelation 21-22. Each time, I followed my heart in deciding where to imagine myself in the story, and as I imagined the story unfolding, I listened for what was being spoken to me through the story. Sometimes, I would also follow the Ignatian practice of the 3 fold colloquy. I would imagine meeting with Mary, then Jesus, then the Father. It's amazing how many different ways I can feel led to envision these meetings and conversations, and how much I feel spoken to by God as I listen in this way.

On the last day of the retreat, my spiritual director suggested I spend time with "resolutions," writing down what I have learned, heard, and feel I need to hold onto going forward.

To have time to be silent before God, spend time communing with God in so many ways, was truly a blessing and gift.

Words of Wisdom from Shane Claiborne

2010-12-11T16:42:00.004-05:00

What if Jesus Meant All That Stuff?

http://www.esquire.com/features/best-and-brightest-2009/shane-claiborne-1209

This radical Christian's ministry for the poor, The Simple Way, has gotten him in some trouble with his fellow Evangelicals. We asked him to address those who don't believe.

By Shane Claiborne

[more from this author]

The Simple Way

To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.

Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.

The other night I headed into downtown Philly for a stroll with some friends from out of town. We walked down to Penn's Landing along the river, where there are street performers, artists, musicians. We passed a great magician who did some pretty sweet tricks like pour change out of his iPhone, and then there was a preacher. He wasn't quite as captivating as the magician. He stood on a box, yelling into a microphone, and beside him was a coffin with a fake dead body inside. He talked about how we are all going to die and go to hell if we don't know Jesus.

Some folks snickered. Some told him to shut the hell up. A couple of teenagers tried to steal the dead body in the coffin. All I could do was think to myself, I want to jump up on a box beside him and yell at the top of my lungs, "God is not a monster." Maybe next time I will.

The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus.

At one point Gandhi was asked if he was a Christian, and he said, essentially, "I sure love Jesus, but the Christians seem so unlike their Christ." A recent study showed that the top three perceptions of Christians in the U. S. among young non-Christians are that Christians are 1) antigay, 2) judgmental, and 3) hypocritical. So what we have here is a bit of an image crisis, and much of that reputation is well deserved. That's the ugly stuff. And that's why I begin by saying that I'm sorry.

Now for the good news.

I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you can have great answers and still be mean... and that just as important as being right is being nice.)

The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it... it was because "God so loved the world." That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our "Gospel" is the message that Jesus came "not [for] the healthy... but the sick." And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth.

One of Jesus' most scandalous stories is the story of the Good Samaritan. As sentimental as we may have made it, the original story was about a man who gets beat up and left on the side of the road. A priest passes by. A Levite, the quintessential religious guy, also passes by on the other side (perhaps late for a meeting at church). And then comes the Samaritan... you can almost imagine a snicker in the Jewish crowd. Jews did not talk to Samaritans, or even walk through Samaria. But the Samaritan stops and takes care of the guy in the ditch and is lifted up as the hero of the story. I'm sure some of the listeners were ticked. According to the religious elite, Samaritans did not keep the right rules, and they did not have sound doctrine... but Jesus shows that true faith has to work itself out in a way that is Good News to the most bruised and broken person lying in the ditch.

It is so simple, but the pious forget this lesson constantly. God may indeed be evident in a priest, but God is just as likely to be at work through a Samaritan or a prostitute. In fact the Scripture is brimful of God using folks like a lying prostitute named Rahab, an adulterous king named David... at one point God even speaks to a guy named Balaam through his donkey. Some say God spoke to Balaam through his ass and has been speaking through asses ever since. So if God should choose to use us, then we should be grateful but not think too highly of ourselves. And if upon meeting someone we think God could never use, we should think again.

After all, Jesus says to the religious elite who looked down on everybody else: "The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom ahead of you." And we wonder what got him killed?

I have a friend in the UK who talks about "dirty theology" — that we have a God who is always using dirt to bring life and healing and redemption, a God who shows up in the most unlikely and scandalous ways. After all, the whole story begins with God reaching down from heaven, picking up some dirt, and breathing life into it. At one point, Jesus takes some mud, spits in it, and wipes it on a blind man's eyes to heal him. (The priests and producers of anointing oil were not happy that day.)

In fact, the entire story of Jesus is about a God who did not just want to stay "out there" but who moves into the neighborhood, a neighborhood where folks said, "Nothing good could come." It is this Jesus who was accused of being a glutton and drunkard and rabble-rouser for hanging out with all of society's rejects, and who died on the imperial cross of Rome reserved for bandits and failed messiahs. This is why the triumph over the cross was a triumph over everything ugly we do to ourselves and to others. It is the final promise that love wins.

It is this Jesus who was born in a stank manger in the middle of a genocide. That is the God that we are just as likely to find in the streets as in the sanctuary, who can redeem revolutionaries and tax collectors, the oppressed and the oppressors... a God who is saving some of us from the ghettos of poverty, and some of us from the ghettos of wealth.

In closing, to those who have closed the door on religion — I was recently asked by a non-Christian friend if I thought he was going to hell. I said, "I hope not. It will be hard to enjoy heaven without you." If those of us who believe in God do not believe God's grace is big enough to save the whole world... well, we should at least pray that it is.

Your brother,

Shane

Child Like Faith

2010-09-18T11:33:00.005-04:00

I am preaching on Luke 18: 9-17 tomorrow. It is the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector followed by Jesus blessing the little children. So I have been thinking about child like faith, and how much children have to teach me about life.

My son six year old son has been showing me a lot about joy (now that I am paying close attention!) He is licking the chocolate off of his crepe with abandon as I am writing this. I don't have the heart to correct him. It looks like too much fun.

When I asked him if he wanted to go out back and pick raspberries, he immediately replied with an enthusiastic "yes!" Then he wanted to be sure his sister knew that he would have raspberries for her when he returned. God has given him such a generous heart.

As I stood at my kitchen window, I got to watch him leap from place to place around the bushes as he hunted for raspberries. The leaping was my favorite part- such joy! Then he came back in with twelve raspberries. Since they are new plants, we only get a handful at a time. Shannon raced upstairs from the basement to enjoy them with him. As she walked back down the steps she announced "raspberries are my new favorite fruit!"

I have been contemplating planting raspberry bushes for 7 years now. This summer I finally did it. I am so glad I did. Children and raspberry bushes have plenty to teach me about God. I can't wait to see their reaction next summer when we get a full crop.

2010-07-16T17:16:00.001-04:00

We just published several blog entries about our mission trip in Kingfield Maine. Check them out at www.pendelvim.wordpress.com

Kingfield Maine 2010

2010-07-15T11:02:00.001-04:00

Our week in Kingfield Maine is beautiful. God is all around us, even if the internet is not! Andrew discovered yesterday that the library has open wifi. (I didn't even realize there was a library.) I am now sitting on the front steps of the library. Although it has open wifi, the hours are Wednesday and Saturday. There are two lovely trees providing me with shade, and front porch steps that remind me of my grandmother's house.

We have been making it a priority to focus upon relationship building- with God, with the people here, and with each other. The tasks are taking care of themselves.

We are working with Miss Thelma here in town. She is an elderly widow who has also buried a son and survived breast cancer. As we work on painting the exterior of her home, she sits outside with us and chats, directs, and generally makes us smile. Our team also did work for her last year, and she says that she prayed that we would be the team to work with her again this yea

We also have a site in Strong, Maine. Dakota is 11, and he lives in a trailer with his mother Leslie and his grandmother Simone. They are really lovely folks. Simone was laid off last year and is still looking for work. Dakota is home schooled. He is already like a little brother to the folks on that site. The first day they got out there, Dakota arrived home near the end of the work day. He immediately went in and strapped on a tool belt, and returned ready to work. Dan says that he can hardly swing a hammer without Dakota offering to do it for him. They are building a new front stoop. The old one was so unstable Simone had fallen on it; a piece of plywood was covering a hole.

Mikki put brought her artistic talent to good use by painting the apex of Thelma's back door entry way with a lovely floral design as well as a table on her back porch to match. In addition, Mikki, Barb Kelly, and Ashley have been working on sewing curtains. They made some for Thelma, and now they are working on the church curtains to partition the fellowship hall from a storage area. It currently has a king sized sheet tacked up. Their curtains will look amazing. It's really wonderful to see God using each person's talents, and how Barb, Mikki and Ashley are bonding over the sewing machine as much as Andrew and Rick bond over the high ladder painting.

At evening devotions, we have been sharing God moments every night. God has been present with us in wonderful ways. I am going to ask the team members to share some of these in their own words.

Answered Prayer

2010-05-21T15:45:00.002-04:00

I received this from Tracy Shives, who is a part of our church family. What a wonderful story of faith:

I wanted to share this amazing story with you....It gave me chills to hear it myself.
Todd's cousin Jenny has a rare kidney disease and she has been on dialysis every night for the past 3 1/2 years and she has been on the kidney donor list for the same amount of time. Last week the dialysis stopped working and they thought that she was not going to make it much longer without getting a kidney. Her mom Tease (which is Todd's aunt) became very worried and called Becky (Todd's mom) to tell her about everything that was going on w/ Jenny. Becky told Tease that they should call each other every night at 10pm to pray for Jenny together before they go to bed at night. So they did this for 3 nights last week and on the 4th day Jenny got a call that they found a kidney that was a match & she had to get to the hospital for her surgery. It was amazing she had been on the donor list for 3 1/2 years and it truly shows that God was listening to their prayers for Jenny.

JJ the Fish

2010-05-13T09:44:00.003-04:00

I am allergic to anything on four legs; this includes hamsters. I have passed this along to my poor children. They are therefore pet deprived. I have to admit that I am quite happy to be pet free, though, as it has seldom felt like I am missing anything other than more responsibility. (At least, this is what I tell myself.)

Of course,one of the few pets left open to us are fish. So it happened at Christmas: we became the proud owners of three goldfish and one algae eater. This was due the generosity of a sister in Christ who gave us everything from tank to contents.

My kids named each fish. I am not convinced they can tell the three goldfish apart, but they definitely remember their names (alas, I do not). The little black algae eater was named JJ. JJ could be found hugging the walls of the tank, and always required effort to locate. This fish quickly became my sons favorite.

Last night my saint of a husband finally got to the task of cleaning the tank with the kids. It was about a month overdue (ugh...responsibility). When they went hunting for JJ, you guessed it, he was nowhere to be found.

Ray said Jacob sobbed his little heart out. Ray promised him we would get a replacement fish. And I was tucking my daughter into bed last night, she too was telling the story. She shared how she did not cry, but she felt bad for her brother. Then she told me how she prayed with Jacob and for JJ.

I was absolutely touched....and so grateful that this was her response to her hurting brother.

Telling Stories

2010-02-27T15:54:00.004-05:00

I have recently become keenly aware of the fact that my kids, ages 5 and 7, are in full story telling mode. They drink up stories. They ask for them to be told in the car when we are riding. I have also realized that its now or never in terms of being intentional about family devotions and Bible stories if I want them to be a part of their lives. My 7 year old, Shannon, can handle them well. Jacob. at 5, is hit or miss.

So I have taken to telling Bible stories in the car. When we drove an hour to my sister's, I told them the story of Joseph, Moses, and the Exodus. When we drove home last night and Jacob asked for a story, I told the story of the Exile. At the end he said "that was a sad story Mommy." I agreed that it is. I also pointed out that it ends with hope.

We also found a family devotion guide that we like. It is "365 Little Visits: Building Faith for a Lifetime" Vol. 4, published by Concordia. Two weeks ago, we read one about a child who found a $100 bill and imagined what she could buy. Then imaged how sad the person who lost it would be. So she turned it in to the school office. That evening, my kids found a $5 "gift card" (I think it was a coupon) on the street outside church. So they turned it in (to me!). It is in my office. I am unsure what to do with it, but each time I see it, I smile. It feels like God's sense of humor.

Our devotional life as a family waxes and wanes. I hope that we are turning over a new leaf. I hope that my kids memories are full of bible stories and faith conversations. I want them to have a sense of identity and groundedness in God's stories and in faith experiences that keeps them centered for a life time. That part is not all up to me, I know... but here's hoping!

Soul of Christ

2010-02-12T13:08:00.001-05:00

I have been praying this prayer as part of my prayer practice. It comes from the Roman Catholic tradition. As I pray to become a more faithful disciple, I find it gives voice to this desire. It reminds me of the Covenant Prayer of my own Wesleyan tradition.

Soul of Christ, sanctify me.

Body of Christ, save me.

Blood of Christ, inebriate me.

Water from the side of Christ, wash me.

Passion of Christ, strengthen me.

O good Jesus, hear me;

Within thy wounds hide me;

Suffer me not to be separated from thee;

From the malignant enemy defend me;

In the hour of my death, call me,

And bid me come to thee,

That with thy saints I may praise thee

Forever and ever. Amen.

Home again, home again...

2010-02-09T10:28:00.003-05:00

Well, our mission trip to El Ayundante in Nicaragua has been postponed. I spent a lovely weekend in the Sheraton Reston, near Dulles Airport. We had a lovely time as a mission team bonding; many of us did not previously know one another. Alas, we could not get a flight out. So we will be going in November instead.

Thanks for all of your prayer support and financial support. The major expenses of things like tickets and such will simply transfer to the week in November.

Good Sharer

2009-12-30T17:08:00.005-05:00

After I got married and before we had children, I used to joke that I hoped to have boys. My reason for this is that I wanted boys like their father. I used to say "I want to contribute to the supply of emotionally well adjusted men- there's a shortage."

Of course, once I became pregnant, I didn't care either way. Our first child is a girl (Shannon) and our second a boy (Jacob). They are both sweet, precious children, as I regularly tell them. They each have their own gifts and personality. And my son is so very much like his father. In his five years on this earth, I have never seen him refuse to share, especially with his sister. He is also thoughtful. If Jacob goes to the bank or anywhere there is free candy and Shannon is not there, he always asks if he can have one for his sister too. Then he takes it home to her. No matter who he is playing with or what he is eating, of someone asks for it, he shares it. Conversely, little else upsets him as much as when he feels denied a turn or if someone refuses to share with him.

Several weeks ago, he came home from school hungry. This is a regular occurrence because, he says, he is too busy talking to his friends to eat. He packs up what remains, brings it home, and finishes it here. So when he asked for a granola bar, I said "didn't you eat one in your lunch?" I could have sworn I packed him one. He replied "no." Then he modified his answer and said "well, actually, there was some confusion at lunch. Lee and I weren't sure if the bar came out of my lunch bag or hers, so Lee ate it."

I smiled. Of course Lee ate it. Because if Lee wanted it, then he would give it to her. That's his first instinct.

I feel like Jacob's generous heart is a gift from God. He regularly reminds me that it is truly more blessed to give than to receive. Sometimes I am simply awed by how God's grace is shown to me in the faces of my children.

2009-11-17T13:47:00.003-05:00

I have finally crossed over- I am going vegetarian. My thinking is that if I am public about it, it will create a form of accountability, which is a good thing.

I have been considering the switch for years. I liked the term flexitarian to refer to my eating habits. I have several cookbooks and a magazine subscription that have taught me a lot about being vegetarian, even as I continued not to be one. I am not going vegan (which is avoiding all animal products), so I'll still eat eggs, dairy, etc.

There are several things I find persuasive about being vegetarian....the health benefits, the environmental benefits and the moral implications. It was the moral implications that finally sent me to this point.

Several years ago, I heard a professor of Christian ethics talk about being vegetarian flowing with her desire to have a consistent ethic of life. So if I value life, this extends to animals as well. That apparently settled into the back of my mind and stayed firmly lodged there, because when I heard a radio program talking about meat eating, it brought this lecture to mind. The radio interviewee made the point that culturally, we vary about what we call food and what we call a pet. Pigs are just as smart as dogs.

I am not a pet person. And I love pork products especially. I could have always lived without beef and poultry. It was ham and bacon that were my sticking points. So when I began to think about eating something as sentient and intelligent as a dog, that started really working on me.

Combined with the fact that I have been focusing on paying close attention to my sin as I have been working through the Ignatian spiritual exercises with my spiritual director, this was the last straw. Every time I think of biting into meat, I think of flesh tearing, and life being destroyed.

I am still not decided about sea food though. There is not the same level of sentience involved, and that is what I am finding most persuasive.

I actually thought that I would always toy with the idea, but never actually be able to do it. It feels like an act of grace to be in this place....that the Spirit is empowering me to make this choice.

2009-09-21T11:49:00.003-04:00

I received this email from a member of our church family who had not been in worship the previous Sunday. Amy MacDonald is a school teacher in a local middle school. Reading it blessed me and so I share it now with you:

Dear Pastor Amy:

I want to share this story because it was a blessing to me, and I think you will agree:

I was driving down Bridge Street in Elkton this morning on my way to the Town Point service when I saw a man with a broken foot on crutches making his way down the sidewalk in front of Jake's Burgers.

As I drove past, I felt that gentle nudge that I should go back and offer him a ride. So (for once!) I immediately obeyed and turned around. He said yes, he would like a ride; he was going to crutch out to Route 40 and hitchhike to Rising Sun. I asked him where he wanted to go, and he told me Route 276 across from the Nazarene Church to his mother's house.

As we were driving, he asked me where I had been going. I told him that I was headed to church, but felt that God wanted me to help him instead. He then offered that for the first time in a very long time, he had attended a praise performance nearby in Pennsylvania a couple of weeks ago. When I asked him how he broke his foot, he said he had fallen off a ladder at work and had no insurance. He said he didn't have a car but he did have a scooter. However, he was riding his scooter without a license and got a ticket. We then talked about our children and realized that his youngest son goes to my school!

We drove in silence for a bit, then he said he had said a prayer that someone would give him a ride but he didn't really think it would happen. I told him that now that it had, I hope it would add to his faith that his prayers will be answered if he really believes that God loves him.
When we got to his mother's house, he thanked me profusely. I felt that gentle nudge again, so I gave him my weekly tithe to help while he is not working.

It is true ... it is SO way cooler (as my students say) to give than to receive :)

The other Amy

Accidental Gardening

2009-09-13T05:15:00.002-04:00

It has been an interesting season of gardening. As is typical for any garden we cultivate, it is currently composed of about 3/4 weeds with a few plants bearing produce mixed in. This is the natural result of avoiding the task of weeding.

This past autumn, we had also saved all of the leaves from our yard to use in our compost pile. It is working out well. We are just about through the leaves of last autumn in time for this autumn.

Because of the giant leaf pile that has lived in our yard this year, the area around the compost pile became even more overgrown that usual. Several weeks ago, I went out to dump kitchen scraps into the compost pile- a job my husband is far more faithful about doing often, God bless him. Imagine my surprise and delight to find acorn squash, butternut squash, and white gourds growing out of the pile!

I guess there is something to be said for letting nature take its course. Our compost pile may not be the most efficient, but it certainly does the job of recycling. And now it would seem that it also does a good job of planting an additional garden for us!

It feels like being surprised by grace, a physical manifestation of the truth that I see repeated over and over and over again in life: God is able to bring good out of piles of refuse.

The Maine Event- Volunteer in Mission Trip July 4-11

2009-07-16T14:18:00.004-04:00

We are home from our mission trip to Kingfield Maine. Nineteen of us went to the United Methodist Economic Ministry and worked on three projects. But of course that is not the real story. The real story is that God was wonderfully present, knitting us together with the folks we served, and bringing us closer to Christ and to each other.

If you want to read our blog, we wrote on the Peninsula-Delaware VIM Blog. The links are below.

Seeing God in Maine by Miles Dissinger

Maine Event: Our Last Day by George Blakeney

Maine Event: Hola from Kingfield Maine by Sue Thompson

Maine Event: Work Day Two and Three , Maine Event: Work Day One , The First Entry by me, Amy Yarnall

All Means All: Reflections on Orthodoxy

2009-07-01T16:46:00.001-04:00

The United Methodist Church is currently engaged in a debate about amending our constitution. Without getting too far into the tall grass, the General Conference that meets every four years voted to recommend several changes in 2008, and they must be ratified by a popular vote taken at our Annual Conference Sessions of 2009. One amendment in particular is referred to as "All Means All." The Peninsula-Delaware Conference is my home conference, and the vote was 189 in favor and 199 opposed. The final vote will not be known for many more months as sessions are held around the world.

The amendment in a nutshell is to remove all of the categories previously listed as folks we would not discriminate against for membership. The list as it now stands includes race, color, notional origin, status, and economic condition. The amendment would instead say simply that we don't discriminate. (See below for full proposed text).

This seems simple enough. In fact, I think it really is simple enough. Here is why: basic, orthodox Christianity states that we are all sinners, saved by grace. We preach, teach, and believe that "all who call on the name of the Lord shall be saved." When someone comes to faith in Christ, orthodox Christianity teaches that baptism is the appropriate way to enter into covenantal relationship with our Lord and Savior. Since profession of faith and baptism mark the start of a lifelong relationship with Jesus Christ, the United Methodist Church does not practice baptism apart from church membership. To claim faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is by definition to enter into a life of discipleship. Simply put, Orthodox Christianity does not discriminate about whether or not someone who professes faith in Christ can be baptized and become a member of the Church. If a person has faith, there is really nothing more to say other than "welcome to the family."

The United Methodist Church has been doing battle over homosexuality and the church's response to it for more than 30 years. This amendment is the most recent battle zone. And I find it the most frightening. I say this because we are now down to debating whether we will refuse membership to a gay person who professes faith in Christ. I do not believe that homosexuality in and of itself is a sin. I know many committed and faithful gay Christians. Sexuality in general can be the grounds for sinful behavior. But how God created a person- gay or straight- is how God created them.

Even for folks who believe differently- that homosexuality in every form is sinful and a choice- this still should be debated within the bounds of orthodoxy. The church long ago wrestled with questions of how to address "sinful" behavior among church membership over something far more controversial than homosexuality. It wrestled with this issue over martyrdom. It was called the Donatist Controversy.

Here is the basic story: when people were choosing between professing their faith in Christ and dying for the faith, or denying their faith and living, there were folks who did both. When persecution would end, folks who had denied the faith to save themselves would show up in church again. Imagine being a person who had lost a loved one, sitting in church next to someone who had denied the faith instead. A split developed, and an alternate church, the Donatist Church, was born. For a time, on the continent of Africa, it was larger than the Orthodox Christian Church. The Donatist Church was based upon a sinless clergy, and members who did not sin. Guess what? That proved to be impossible. No surprise there.

St. Augustine was the early Church Father who gave voice to the teaching that ultimately emerged: we are all sinners saved by grace. We are all in need of forgiveness. There is not a person alive who does not need the forgiving, healing love of Christ. And there is no way a Church can stand based upon purity. Unity and forgiveness are the basics of Orthodox Christianity. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Rom. 10:13)

As St. Paul says in Ephesians 2:8 "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God." Who are we to judge that someone who is professing faith in Christ is not worthy to be baptized into membership? Who are we to say that one sin is greater than another, and the basis for excluding and judging?

To be fair, I think I know where the confusion lies. For those who believe homosexuality is a sin, the confusion lies in the definition of justifying grace and sanctifying grace. Justifying grace is the grace that brings us into relationship with Jesus Christ. Justifying grace is saving grace. If someone professes faith in Christ, orthodox Christianity is clear about the Church's response. (Even if the UMC is currently confused.) The response is that we baptize them and welcome them into a life of discipleship (church membership).

It is sanctifying grace that we live in after we have become disciples. This is the grace that makes us more holy, more like Christ. This is the grace that continues the work of transformation that is begun in prevenient and justifying grace. I understand that folks who believe that homosexuality is a sin are concerned about a person continuing to live in sin, without repentance or effort to leave their sinful ways behind. But it doesn't change our basic doctrines. If someone professes faith in Christ, then they are saved. The Church's response is baptism and therefore discipleship=membership. What happens after this is the substance of church ministry.

I firmly believe that once we profess faith in Christ, are baptized, and commit to a life of discipleship, sanctification is a serious matter. In fact, it is the only matter. It is the grace by which we live our very lives for the rest of our lives. However, even if a person believes that homosexuality is a sin, it is still orthodox Christianity to baptize them in the Spirit of love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Every person in the church is leading a life of sin as well a life seeking after holiness. We don't debate whether to deny an active alcoholic baptism and membership. We choose instead to believe that they, and we, are all better off seeking after grace. We are all sinful broken people.

Of course, there is a lot of fear driving this debate. Fear of people who are different. Fear of sexuality in general and homosexuality in particular. Fear that the authority of Scripture will be undermined if we accept gay Christians. The truth is that the authority of Scripture requires a more thoughtful and studied approach than the homosexuality debate typically comprises. We already have a more studied response to slavery (very well supported biblically), women in the church, and divorce. We cannot simply say "homosexuality is a sin because of this verse of Scritpure." That is superficial.

Here is the bottom line for me: this is not a debatable point. People on all sides of the "homosexuality debate" claim Orthodox Christianity as their own. There is no way to make the case that ANYONE who professes faith in Christ can be refused the grace of God and God's church. It is simply un-orthodox. I know folks who believe homosexuality is a sin who say they wish that gay folks would come to their church so they could teach them about repentance and the power of Christ. I find that they understand orthodox faith, even if I do disagree with their position in homosexuality.

So I find it enormously disheartening that the vote count is currently razor thin, with a slight advantage to passing this amendment. If this fails, it will be a testament to a fundamental misunderstanding of Christian faith. And that is more disturbing than I can find words to express.

If approved the constitution would read:
Inclusiveness of the Church- The United Methodist Church is a part of the church universal, which is one Body in Christ. The United Methodist Church acknowledges that all persons are of sacred worth and that we are in ministry to all. All persons should be eligible to attend its worship services, participate in its programs, receive the sacraments, and upon baptism be admitted as baptized members. All persons, upon taking vows declaring the Christian faith and relationship in Jesus Christ, shall be eligible to become professing members in any local church in the connection. In the United Methodist Church no conference or other organizational unit of the Church shall be structured so as to exclude any member or constituent body.

Seeing God in my Kids

2009-05-29T11:18:00.002-04:00

Jacob showed me God a few weeks ago...

We were reading a book together about Easter. He sighed and said "Mommy, I can't wait to die." I turned to him and smiled and asked him "you mean you can't wait to meet Jesus in heaven?" He said "yeah." I went to explain that it would probably be a long time before he goes to heaven, and that by then several of his family members would already be there to meet him.

I was struck by his complete lack of fear. What a gift; no wonder Jesus talked about having faith like that of a child.

Word From Winkler

2009-04-19T13:00:00.003-04:00

Jim Winkler is the Chair of the United Methodist General Board of Church and Society. This is our denominational witness on Capital Hill, advocating on behalf of the church and resourcing local churches for social justice witness.

I receive the email "Faith in Action" each week. Every time I open it, I am blessed by the writing of this man.

I have attached a link for this week's reflection "What might have been"
I commend it to you as worth your time. His overall focus is poverty. The issues range from unions to civil rights to the economic crisis being the result of Washington believing that "what is good for Wall Street is good for America" to the idea that there are three big challenges of our nation relating to three myths.

I found this to be the most thought provoking part of his writing:

The economic crisis is a good opportunity to change things. For me, Christianity is a way of life summed up by the passage in 1 John 4:8, “Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

Why is it that the God of Love so often, it seems, has to fight an uphill battle against the God of Law? The God of Love is not only nurturing and sustaining, but requires us to face up to three great myths that have damaged and distorted our lives: white supremacy, male superiority and American exceptionalism. The damaging effects of these myths have made it difficult for love to express its full power.

I bet that "American Exceptionalism" is a term that has been coined for a while, but this is the first I have encountered it. It gives a name to something that has been driving me nuts for years. Who says we are the best nation on earth? Why are we any better than the rest of God's creation? I find this arrogance is maddening.

Happy reading!

Poetic Blessing

2009-04-19T12:31:00.003-04:00

On Sunday afternoons, I sleep for a very long time. By the time I have led three worship services, I am tired. My family is very gracious about letting me sleep for 2-3 hours.

Several weeks ago, I awoke from my nap and my daughter Shannon had written a poem for me. It made my heart happy. Here it is...

Roses are Red Violets are majenta
Easter eggs are yellow and
blue and pink. And your my Easter
egg rapped in gold. I love you mom.
Don't you know why your so
spaicale. Because your just what
I need for Easter nothing
more your as spaical I could
Amagen. You are the best one
I could ever meet. Your so
spacial to me mom. Do I love you?
yes I do. Why would not I love you
Your the best I could ever meet mom.

Passion

2009-04-04T21:10:00.003-04:00

I am sitting in my kitchen going over my preparations for worship tomorrow. It is Palm/Passion Sunday. The lectionary calls for reading two entire chapters of the gospel of Mark (14-15). This typically takes about 15 minutes. So I am trying something new, perhaps biting off more than I can chew: I am going to retell the story and weave reflections into the story as proclamation for the day.

Reading and reflecting upon Jesus' suffering and death feels somehow dissonant today because it was such a wonderful day. We had a fabulous pancake breakfast at Town Point to raise funds for our mission trip this summer, followed by our Walk-a-Thon from Town Point to Jacob's Well to Trinity. It was a great day to walk 7 miles; and an even better day to walk 3.5 since Ray and I split the caring for the kids and walking responsibilities. (A true team effort.) The sun was shining, and we concluded with a picnic on the front lawn of Trinity. Between breakfast sales and sponsorships, we raised a few dollars shy of $1000.

We are going to Salem Twp. Maine to do home repair ministry in a rural community with a weak economy. Today I saw signs for the "Maine Event" which is just fun, I think.

My hope is that this trip will take us deeper into the heart of Christ, and draw us more deeply out of ourselves and into the relationships and service that Christ reveals. For it is in giving life away that we receive life. As John Wesley, the founder of Methodism said: "grace received and not passed on loses it efficacy."

As I sit here feeling so content as I read the passion narrative, I would like to hope it flows from the abiding peace that comes from focusing beyond self...because after spending a day enjoying the simple beauty of a spring day filled with beautiful people I love, its hard to know where it is flowing from... and I am not sure it really matters.

Random Reflections on the week...

2009-02-10T22:55:00.004-05:00

Well, I finally slogged through my back email. I have been struggling to get below the 150 mark for weeks. I finally got down to the bottom of the pile so to speak. I figured I would go for a final catch up move and write a blog entry! Joy!

I was honestly surprised to see that some of my back email went to DECEMBER. Yikes. Naturally, it was e-news stuff that is out of date now. Even more frightening: there are now 13 email floating somewhere in the distant past (before August 08) that are unread and I cannot find. Good grief. I love the gmail function of storing my email so that I can search for things later, but this is definitely the down side.

On a different note....
The leadership retreat on Saturday was truly a blessing. Twenty of us gathered with Anita Wood and used "Spiritual Exercises for Church Leaders" as a guide for the day. It is always a blessing to come together to draw closer to God and to each other at least annually with our fabulous leadership. I am so grateful to God for this community of faith.

More gratitude...
I am also grateful for the flexible scheduling that is my life. I overslept this morning (rather significantly! guess I am not 100% recovered from sinus infection yet) and I can work until 11p.m. to make it up.

It has been a week full of warmer weather, sunshine, and lots of grace. And I am grateful.

Spirit Working on Sermon Series

2009-01-03T11:48:00.002-05:00

I had been mulling over a sermon series on the shared purpose of Christians. We all have the same purpose... how we live it out varies according to our gifts.

Our shared purpose includes: loving God passionately and our neighbor as ourselves in response to God's love for us (Matt 22). Being equipped for ministry in the world by our spiritual gifts (Eph 4) Being in ministry with the overlooked (Matthew 25). Caring for Creation (Gen. 1). All of this leads to making disciples through relationship (Matt 28).

During my mulling, Pam Downey, our youth director, came and shared a fabulous idea for an image. She wrote this:

I believe the Holy Spirit is a piece of us - kind of like a jigsaw puzzle - and if we could all just put it together we would see the picture laid out before us and maybe, just a little bit, blaspheming the Holy Spirit means removing yourself from the puzzle and therefore leaving it incomplete which means there are two parts that can't touch, and you've broken the chain.

But I've put that together with a Scrabble analogy as well - specifically if you take away one of the components of the game - specifically the letter E (letter E = 12 of the 100 game tiles - over 10%)
A) the game's not impossible - but you've made it far harder than it has to be
B) how many words are you now unable to make (ex. peace, hope, love, friend, health... culminating of course with Jesus)

The idea that the Kingdom comes clearer when the puzzle pieces God has given us in each of our lives are used for their intended purposes is a really cool image.

Then today I came across this quote about Martin Luther King Jr.
"For me, one of King's most salient teachings was his conviction that each of us holds some of the truth. He believed that our processes of listening and speaking to one another became the hallowed communication by which our lives are transformed, and be which we understand the power of love Jesus spoke of."
Dee Dee Risher, Reclaiming the Dreamer, The Other Side Magazine Jan/Feb 2003

It seems the Spirit is working to bring this altogether. So we are going to use a video project focusing upon each of the five themes to create a short video for each week in worship. Patrick Donnelly and Gina Troy will be using their gifts to make this happen.

I'm excited for worship! The series begins next week, January 11.

The Kingdom

2008-12-18T15:31:00.002-05:00

In United Methodist world, we have a term for our servants who go out on short term mission trips of 5-10 days. We call them Volunteers in Mission. VIM is the shorthand term. (I understand some have suggested that it should really be called Disciples in Mission, but DIM sounds comical, doesn't it?)

I am serving in my Conference as the VIM Coordinator, working with a fabulous team of laity and clergy. One of the people I have met along this journey is a lay person in New York.

We were chatting by email, and he shared that he has been working to bring together a consortium of churches, non-profits, and secular groups to focus upon the significant challenges that youth in their community face. They have a drop out rate of 28%... and all of the attending challenges that go along with that like substance abuse, etc.

He said that getting folks to the table has been the easiest part. Deciding what one aspect of helping youth they will focus upon has proved to be the challenge. In addition, the most difficult folks in this process have been.... the pastors.

I groaned out loud when I read this. It was a forehead smacking moment because sadly, this is pathetically common. In my reply to him I said:

How hard is it to live out Matthew 25, and Luke 4? I wonder what the world would look like if we pastors could let go of visions of building our own small kingdoms and embrace God's big Kingdom? I think the small kingdoms look so attractive,manageable and fun; and there are so many workshops around on how to build them. The big kingdom is so much more mysterious and messy.. and yet.... and yet.... it is God's

Peace that passes all understsanding

2008-12-14T06:22:00.004-05:00

It is nearly time for my children to awake this Sunday morning. I am putting the final touches on my sermon as I go over it this morning. And Ray is in the hospital, receiving IV antibiotics for an infection that could be very harmful. It has been a difficult few days.

I never cease to be amazed at God's grace poured out in the midst of trial. I have seen it in the folks who have helped care for my children, prayed for us, called us, run errands for us. I have thought again about how God promises to care for God's children. I feel very cared for.

When Ray was first diagnosed on Thursday with the possibility of MRSA, which is complicated by his artificial heart valve, I felt on edge and teary for the first 24 hours. That has given way to God's amazing care for us. I feel a certainty in my spirit that everything will be OK. I don't mean that in the platitude sense of the word. I don't mean I am sure "everything will turn out the way I want it to." I mean that no matter what happens, even if "the worst" were to happen, I know God is with me, is with us, and God always provides.

This is how I am defining the peace that passes all understanding. It doesn't preclude other emotions. Mysteriously, this peace permeates all of it, and carries me along.

So today I am looking forward to worship, to pouring my heart out again before God, and to placing myself and those I love into God's tender care yet again...it is an ongoing process.

I love the words from Isaiah 61 this morning:
1. The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and release to the prisoners;
2. to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3. to provide for those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a garland instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, to display his glory...
10. I will greatly rejoice in the Lord,
my whole being shall exult in my God;
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11. For as the earth brings forth its shoots,
and as a garden causes what is sown in it to spring up,
so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise
to spring up before all the nations.

It makes me want to put on some bright outrageous looking "garments of salvation"

Sabbath, Yoga, Advent

2008-12-02T14:49:00.004-05:00

Monday is the day I set aside for Sabbath. Despite all of my reading, preaching, and blogging about Sabbath, I am not sure I am doing so well on the sabbath front. I do take the day away from the office, away from email, and focus upon my family and upon caring for myself. But I also end up doing a bunch of household chores that need doing. Some Mondays I find I feel more like I have connected and rested than others.

This week was a special gift. Although Ray was in bed with a migraine, Jacob and I had a great day together. It was one of those magical days where he listened to me almost every time I asked something of him. He put his little hand in mine as we did errands. He snuggled with me. He drew me pictures. He soaked in the time in the library with such pleasure it made my heart warm.

Ray was able to get up and felt well enough for me to make the yoga class I have begun taking on Monday afternoons. It has been a great class for me for two reasons. One is that it is challenging, which I like. The other is that this teacher has a habit of asking us to set an intention for the class in a word or short phrase. It is fascinating to listen to my heart to hear what words emerge. This week I thought of my words from last week: hope, clarity, peace. But every time I returned to these words, they came back as hope, clarity, purpose.

Apparently, I need to spend some reflecting upon purpose. Since Advent is a time for just such a thing, I'll take that as a nudging from the Holy Spirit.

Council of Bishops on Political Discourse

2008-10-16T10:21:00.000-04:00

I just received notice in my email that the Council of Bishops of the United Methodist Church has issued a statement that I am glad to see happen. It is heartening to see such relevance. I am tired of the deterioration of the political campaigns into negativity.

I am especially concerned by the vocalization of public racism that has been increasingly interjected into public discourse. Some local examples two different folks have shared with me:

1. At a sign waving event for Obama here in Cecil County, three different people loudly shouted racial epithets at the sign wavers.

2. I was talking with a local woman who said she has lost track of the number of folks who have told her "I can't vote for the colored guy."

The Council of Bishops, in their wisdom, is calling on all sides to act respectfully. So, here it is:

The Council of Bishops of the United Methodist Church has issued a statement with regards to the upcoming presidential election in November.

Public discourse, especially in this season of presidential elections, has often deteriorated into acrimonious, disrespectful and divisive rhetoric. Such speech, in the interest of short-term political gain, will make it more difficult for the nation to unite to work together on the great challenges that face the United States and the world today.

We urge all United Methodists to daily pray for the upcoming elections, its candidates, voters and leaders. We further encourage you to contact the presidential and vice presidential candidates and their campaigns and call them to commit themselves to conduct their debates, their advertisements and all their public speech in ways that honor the principles of fairness and accuracy.

Call them to focus on the critical challenges that threaten the future of our national and the world: poverty, war, racism, inequality of opportunity, the current financial crisis and terrorism in all of its forms.

Slots Debate

2008-10-14T09:51:00.003-04:00

The debate on slot machines (Question 2 on the ballot) is in full swing.

I just read this blog post by Allan J. Lichtman, who is a professor of history at American University and a national political analyst. Very well written laying out salient reasons to oppose slot machines. The most important to me is that this really is designed to take advantage of our most vulnerable citizens, for these are the folks who lose money they cannot afford. Public ethics matter. We have seen the importance of ethics in the economic crisis. I really believe that Maryland is better than this, more ethical than approving slot machines.

There is also an event on Friday October 17 at 7p.m. at Pleasantview Baptist Church in Port Deposit. It is a forum entitle "The Truth About Slots."

They have assembled an quite a slate of speakers, including;

Aaron Meisner, Chairman, StopSlots Maryland
Dr. Valerie Lorenz, an eminent therapist in gambling addiction
Peter Franchot Comptroller of Maryland
Michael D. Smigiel, Sr., of the MD House of Delegates
And especially two more: Joe Pfister, a recovered casino gambling addict who experienced first-hand how the gambling casinos can entice and victimize the unwary, including experienced, successful, citizens.
John Bowers, a local horseman, former jockey, owner, breeder, and trainer of thoroughbred race horses, with an eye-opening story to tell.

I will not be in attendance; this conflicts with a long standing meeting in PA for me. But I be there in spirit.

I still cannot get over the fact that Marylanders are actually giving serious consideration to amending our constitution to permit gambling. And the fact that one of the parlors would be in our back yard in Perryville is troubling.

My mother received a telemarketing call yesterday urging her to support the referendum question. The pro-slots folks have lots of money to spend. The opponents are working hard to get the word out without benefit of telemarketers or paid people knocking on doors (and lying about the issue, saying it will fix health care and prescriptions, etc).

So please spread the word and pray hard.

Religion and Politics

2008-09-29T08:22:00.001-04:00

I wrote this article for the newsletter. I am sharing it here as well, with active links to the voter guides I mention.

Religion and Politics

Perhaps you have heard me share one of my favorite analogies for faith: think about a pie. Imagine every "slice of your life" like family, school, work, activities, friendships, etc. Now, rather than imagining faith as one section of the pie, think of it as the pie plate. There is not any part of our lives apart from God. Our faith informs and sustains all aspects of our journey.

Practicing faithful reflection about all aspects of life is a vital faith practice. God wants to be a part of every decision, and has some guidance to offer. From whether to eat out tonight, to what kind of car to drive, what kids activities are important, to how to vote…all can be informed by our faith. I find it takes practice.

In the United Methodist tradition, we teach the use of Scripture, Tradition (church history and doctrine), Experience (our own experiences of God) and Reason (our God given brains) as the basis for knowing God and making decisions.

Our church has official positions on just about everything. However, to be a "good" United Methodist, there is not a requirement to agree with all of the positions. Our tradition teaches the use of Scripture, Tradition, Experience, and Reason in community and as individuals. All this is rooted in the understanding that we all "see through a glass dimly" as Paul says. One of the basic values of Jesus that is expressed in United Methodism is that God welcomes ALL people, no matter what.

As we approach another election season, I encourage you to think about how your faith informs your choices. In our Social Principles, we find these words: While our allegiance to God takes precedence over our allegiance to any state, we acknowledge the vital function of government as a principal vehicle for the ordering of society. Because we know ourselves to be responsible to God for social and political life, we declare the following relative to governments:
B) Political Responsibility—The strength of a political system depends upon the full and willing participation of its citizens. The church should continually exert a strong ethical influence upon the state, supporting policies and programs deemed to be just and opposing policies and programs that are unjust.

As citizens of God's Kingdom, our allegiance is always to God first. We have the privilege as voters in this country to have input into how our government is run, and it is both a privilege and an obligation that is to be informed by our faith.

Inside this issue, you will find a voters guide prepared by a Christian organization known as Sojourners. It has close ties with our denomination. In addition, there will be available in church a 12 page voting guide prepared by our denomination. It lists United Methodist positions on issues, and then lists the platforms of the two major parties on the issues.

I encourage you to use both guides as a resource. Read Scripture. Pray in discernment. Take seriously the truth that we are God's citizens first and always and that we are called to put others before ourselves. Also, please don't think that you must be in agreement with everyone else in our church. I know that we share a diversity of opinion on various issues among our church family. I believe it is a testimony to the power of the Holy Spirit whenever unity exists among diversity. May we never lose sight of what matters most: Jesus Christ. I hope these resources help you to feel more spiritually prepared this election season.

Striving to be faithful,
Pastor Amy

Prayer

2008-08-28T13:37:00.004-04:00

I didn't get to my morning devotions until 1p.m. So it seemed appropriate that one of the prayers included in my devotional guide is ....

For Spiritual Concentration

God, help my thoughts!

They stray from me,

setting off on the wildest of journeys.

When I am in church,

they run off like naughty children,

quarrelling and making trouble.

When I read the Bible,

they fly to a distant city,

filled with temptations.

My thoughts can cross an ocean with a single leap.

They can fly from earth to heaven and back again,

in a single second.

They come to me for a fleeting moment,

and then away they flee.

No chains, no locks can hold them back.

No threats of punishment can restrain them.

No hiss of a lash can frighten them.

They slip from my grasp like tails of eels.

They swoop hither and thither like swallows in flight.

Dear Holy Christ, who can see every heart

and read every mind:

Take hold of my thoughts.

Bring my thoughts back to me,

and clasp me to yourself. Amen.

The book I am using cites this as a Celtic prayer. Those Celts seem to have been wise, honest, fun folk.

(This appears in a book called This Day: A Wesleyan Way of Prayer by Laurence Hull Stookey.)

Wrestling

2008-08-16T15:29:00.004-04:00

This was our annual week at Camp Pecometh. On our way home last night, Ray had the idea to stop at Downey's Chicken in Chestertown. We have said at least a dozen times that we want to try their food. As expected, it was delicious.

Camp is wonderful in many ways, and this was our most wonderful year yet. Jacob is out of diapers. Shannon was in the day camp week. They were both happy and enjoying themselves all week. Happy kids make for... yep, happy parents.

It was also a bit stressful, in that I am still sitting here on Saturday afternoon wrestling mightily for a clue about my sermon. Usually I have studied the scripture with others on Wednesdays, and then have been thinking about it all week. Not so this week.

The first somewhat unique insight that I have had after many hours of study and prayer is one that feels frighteningly personal. Two weeks ago, I preached on Jacob wrestling with the Lord in Genesis. Last week, I preached on fear as it relates to Jesus and Peter walking on water. This week I am reading the stories of the Canaanite woman Jesus rebuffed and her tenacity in verbally besting Jesus and about Joseph meeting up with his brothers in Egypt (which must have been emotionally trying for all involved on a number of levels). My insight? That sometimes the life of faith is about tenacity, about holding on, until things feel right again.

I am reminded of three things. First, at the preaching conference I went to this year, one of the speakers talked about preaching being the act of placing ourselves on a platter for all the hearers to dissect. Second, one of my clergy friends' mother's comments that you can always tell where a preacher is by what they are preaching. Third, I remember a friend from Seminary who lamented "once, just once, I want to hear someone preach an honest sermon about struggling while they are actually struggling, not referring to some past struggle."

Preaching is such a vulnerable act. It is feeling especially true today. I suppose that is part of the honest walk of faith- trusting God enough to be honest about where we really are on the journey. The life of faith is not all sweetness and light...much as I wish it would be. There is plenty of honest struggle, doubt, and fear... and somehow God takes it and uses it for God's purposes. I never cease to be amazed.

Playing

2008-07-27T06:22:00.003-04:00

I have had several ideas for my first post since I returned. I walked into my office to find it cleaned up and a big welcome back banner with notes from our commuity. What a gift!

I am preaching on the Kingdom of Heaven today from Matthew...always thought stirring.

But this morning, I am thinking of the conversation with my daughter last night, and it keeps coming back to me.

We are often the last two at the table becuase she is a slow eater. She brought up the subject of playing with younger kids. She told me, again, that she likes to play with older kids, not younger ones. Why does she have to play with younger kids? I asked how she would feel if the older kids she likes to play with decided they don't like playing with her?

I explained that it's not an option to play only with older kids...as a Christian, she is nice to everyone.

Then I asked about her younger brother: "What about Jacob? You like playing with him"

Her reply was "yeah, but I love him."

Ahhh... love... it makes all the difference.

Vacation

2008-06-11T21:02:00.002-04:00

I am off to Annual Conference, followed by some vacation time, beginning with the beach! We will be other places (inculding Niagra Falls and Canda!) , and in and out of town.

We return in time for Vacation Bible School...yahoo! VBS runs the week of July 20-24.

Please keep us in prayer as we rest and rejuvinate, that this time of Sabbath will be a blessing.

Sweet Special Boy

2008-05-18T21:09:00.003-04:00

I think it must be the age- our 3 1/2 year old son has been especially endearing this month. I remember our daughter often said wonderfully endearing things around this age too.

The first was a few weeks ago. I call my kids "sweet special boy" and "sweet special girl." I was putting Jacob down for a nap, and I said "I love you, sweet special boy." He replied "I love you sweet special Mommy girl." My heart melted.

He's no slacker. I retold that story enough that he caught on how it impressed me. So he has kept saying it. He even said "thank you sweet special Mommy girl" for something I gave him as a treat he probably should not have had. Talk about winding me around his finger.

Whenever I tuck him into bed, he now says "I love you sweet special mommy girl."

He is also into rock collecting. It is almost impossible to set foot outdoors with him, without him scooping up rocks and sharing them. As I was on my way to church one morning, he handed me a rock he had collected somewhere along the way. He said "here Mommy, this is for you to remember that I love you." I kept it in my pocket all day, and smiled a lot.

The next day, I pulled out the rock and I asked him if he remembered what he had said the day before. He smiled very big as I repeated his words. Then he added, "and so you remember God loves you."

I'll be carrying the rock with me forever I think. It will certainly be going with me to Minneapolis for the Festival of Homiletics this week.

Bud: See you on the other side

2008-05-03T11:37:00.003-04:00

I have been putting this off. Perhaps for me, blogging about Bud's service of death and resurrection is an act of finality, of reluctantly acknowledging that he has really gone on. (You may remember my post about Bud that I wrote shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer. To read it, click here.)

I say this because leading this service is much different from attending such a service. Crying profusely was not really one of my choices on Monday. I was deeply honored to be a leader in the worship service, and I would not have wanted it any other way. Yet, in order to do so, I had to be somewhat detached emotionally.

So, it's Saturday... and I have not blogged in quite some time. I have had other thoughts of things to blog about, but somehow, it doesn't feel right to write about anything else until I have written about Bud.

He had become like family to me. Over the past five years, Bud was my confidant, my mentor, and my friend. Bud thought of me like a daughter and I cannot imagine any higher compliment; the feeling was mutual. Over the years, he would hint that he hoped I would be the pastor here when he crossed from this life to the next. And each time, I would pray that Bud would live to be at least 95. Bud was 83 when he died.

Bud was one of the greatest visionaries I have had the privilege of knowing. Jack Shitama, who also led the service, aptly called Bud "president of everything." He was also one of the most faithful, righteous, fruitful disciples Jesus had. Bud knew what it was to love, to forgive, and to dream God's dreams.

I can hear his voice saying so many treasured pieces of wisdom. Whenever someone would upset me, he would say "now Amy, you just have to brush it off and move on. You cannot dwell on such things. It's not worth it." He knew how to walk that talk. As someone said at his funeral, very few people got mad at Bud, but if they did, he just kept loving them until they got over it.

I was overwhelmed by the thought of writing the sermon for that day. As usual, God sorted it out for me, and it just flowed out of my fingers in onto my screen. Bud's final witness was a powerful one: Bud had a good death. Through Bud, God showed us what it is like to face death unafraid. Bud kept hearing the Lord say "just trust me." That is what Bud did. He had no regrets, no fears...he trusted. (He did appeal to the Lord for several months for more energy, but even in the face of that unanswered prayer, he received it with grace.)

Bud did not even have any pain. The cancer that started in his esophagus and spread to his liver before it was diagnosed as end stage cancer did not wrack him with pain. He and Marilyn attributed that to the power of prayer.

One of the key concepts of Christian faith in the Wesleyan tradition is the understanding of sanctifying grace. This is the grace that we receive after coming to faith; it is the grace that allows us to become more like Christ, to become more holy. We believe that it as at least possible for a person to be entirely sanctified. That is to say, it is possible to be made perfect in love, to love as Christ loves.

It is not mine to judge whether Bud was entirely sanctified. Bud I can certainly say that if I were asked to name one person who I thought might fit the bill, Bud would be the one. He knew how to love, he knew how to forgive, and he followed Christ with complete devotion.

Bud passed peacefully from this side of the Jordan to the other. Even as I grieve the loss of his presence here, I am trying to hold onto the comfort of knowing that in Christ, Bud lives on.

See you on the other side.

Pain

2008-04-07T13:17:00.009-04:00

I recently saw an acquaintance whom I have met perhaps three times in the past ten years. He and I share something of a common bond, in that he was once an ordained member of my denomination. He now works in a different field, after being called in an entirely different direction. As you would expect, pastoral ministry comes up in our conversations whenever we cross paths.

This time, he said a few things that have stayed with me. First, he commented that the work he does now (which I would not consider low stress) is nothing compared to the stress of pastoral ministry. His words were "I have never done anything harder in my life." The second was that he said "it's amazing how nobody has any problems once you stop being a pastor....everybody is doing just fine." Then he commented that he misses the sense of connection that he shared with church folks when he was a pastor. (I did wonder later what his current church community life is like; I didn't ask.)

His words have stayed with me for a few weeks. The underlying premise of them is this: the bonds between people in a community of faith are rooted in soil that is heavily fertilized by shared pain. As much as I rail against this truth, as much as I really don't like this truth because pain is just so painful, the premise rings true.

These past few weeks have been especially pain filled. Some who are reading this blog will think immediately of a painful situation we are facing in our community. That is a big part of what is on my heart, but that is not the only pain to which I am referring.

Part of what it means to be an active part of a community of faith, is sharing life together... the joys, celebrations, love, peace, hope, and shared purpose....and the pain, grief, sorrow, anger, doubt, and fear. There is a seldom a week that goes by that my heart does not break with someone as they share something that is happening or has happened in their lives. I think the most difficult pain is the old pain that has been nursed and nurtured for years, even decades, for this means that God's healing grace and forgiveness has not penetrated the pain, and it has been allowed to have transforming effects on the person's whole life.

Of all of the people whose lives I have been given the privilege of sharing in large or small ways, I have yet to find someone who has not experienced emotional pain. It is a part of being alive.

I have to say that right now, today, I am feeling worn out by it. I wish with every fiber of my being I could be free from experiencing my own pain, and free from feeling the pain of others. Sometimes I think that the spiritual gift of compassion is just exhausting. Yet I know that God uses it.

I am thinking of two passages of Scripture. The first is from the beatitudes in Matthew, which Jesus preached during the sermon on the mount. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:3-4). Also my favorite verse from 2Cor.12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I know that God is working through the pain to bring redemption. I keep reminding myself there is no resurrection without a crucifixion; that Christ is most powerful when I am weak and depending upon him.

So I am holding onto hope, onto God's promises, and God's presence. I am grateful for God's care for me in the form of my family, and my church family. I have no idea how people survive without a community of faith....yet I can understand the urge to try to lead a less painful, less complicated life by steering clear of such relationships. I suppose that is the irony; although more relationships in the form of a community of faith certainly bring more opportunities for pain, they are also the only source I know of the path toward healing and wholeness. That seems to be a part of the mystery of God.

As I was preparing for my sermon last week, I came across a Wendell Barry poem that ends with the line "practice resurrection."

One of the lines says "expect the end of the world." I read today a line in a magazine that said "look at life as a terminal illness and live it to the fullest." Grim as those words may sound, they are also ringing true to me. I am going to enjoy myself as much as humanly possible today.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie easy in the shade. Rest your head.
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Happy Easter... and final update on Lent on Minimum Wage

2008-03-23T06:16:00.003-04:00

It has been a wonderful Holy Week and now Easter is here. I awoke this morning without enough sleep in me, but I am energized for this beautiful, special day. (I am also a bit nervous about preaching, as I always am on the high holy days when we have as many visitors as members in worship.)

Ray and I managed to keep our spending to about $125 per week during Lent. It wasn't the $100 we were going for, but it wasn't too far off the mark. It was difficult. My refrig and cabinets are pretty bare! I do think I should have spent more time in prayer around all of this (hind sight is perfect) because it did feel like more of a struggle and sacrifice than I expected... perhaps because I tried to do too much of it alone? Not quite sure. Or perhaps it was supposed to feel like a struggle and sacrifice.

At any rate, I am certainly glad for Easter on a different level. And that is part of the point too, I suppose. I am reminded of Marva Dawn's writing in which she says "we don't know how to feast because we don't know how to fast." I understand what she means in a more visceral way; and I think she is right.

I am ready to feast!

I went to the revgalblogpals web ring blog I participate in, and found this Easter prayer this morning. I really like it, so I am sharing here as well. Happy Easter.

God of wonder and new life, on this day of joy, we give you thanks and praise. We thank you that the story of our faith is made new for us again with the rising of the sun. We pray that the good news of new life in Jesus has lifted the shadows that rested on so many hearts this past week. Thank you God for the power of your love to prevail over the forces of death and despair.

God, so many people in our world, some far from here and some next to us in the pew, are stuck in the sadness and gloom of Good Friday. For these beloved children of your Creation, Easter has not yet arrived in their souls. Grief, pain, loneliness, addiction, poverty, hunger and oppression are only a few of the burdens that your people bear. Lighten these loads, Holy One, and bring the light of your power and presence to all in need of some Easter joy today. Perhaps in some small way, each of us can be a bearer of that joy to someone looking for hope. May it be so, God, this Easter day and every day, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Slots Referendum

2008-03-12T12:04:00.004-04:00

I continue to be active in the fight against slot machines in Maryland. I just learned of an editorial written by the Washington Post which makes some great points. I am copying it here because I think it is worth reading (and so you don't have to go register at Washington Post if you don't care to).

I am both fascinated and frustrated by the fact that a majority of folks seems to think that slots are a good idea until they become educated about them. When folks take time to study the issue, it becomes clear that slots bring more problems than they solve. Consider these words from the editorial: they are from J. Joseph Curran Jr., Maryland's former attorney general, who has studied this issue extensively.
"The impact would be this...Casinos would bring a substantial increase in crime to our State. There would be more violent crime, more crimes against property, more insurance fraud, more white collar crime, more juvenile crime, more drug- and alcohol-related crime, more domestic violence and child abuse, and more organized crime."

The timing and tactics of this is also interesting. Maryland was sold the same bill of goods when Lottery and Keno were legalized in the state: that it would fund education, and solve our education budget challenges. It's hard to believe we would fall for the same lie again.

The gambling industry also goes after the most opportune time to offer "easy money"- during an economic downturn. The truth is that it will take years before this revenue will be realized, since the parlors have to be constructed. Add to that the fact that revenue projections have a way of not materializing (Pennsylvania is discovering this now), and the promise of "easy money" to fund education (or anything else) is clearly a farce.

What slots will really do is make a few people very wealthy, negatively impact our local economy, contribute to a whole host of social ills, and leave the state spending money to clean up the mess.

On that happy note, here is the Washington Post Editorial Piece:

The Slots Deception
What you don't know about gambling in Maryland might hurt you.

Saturday, March 8, 2008; A14

OPPONENTS of gambling in Maryland face an uphill battle ahead of this fall's referendum on a proposal to install 15,000 slot machines at five venues around the state. A shifting but solid majority of Marylanders supports the slots scheme, which has a powerful ally in Gov. Martin O'Malley (D) and backing from the horse racing industry, gambling firms, labor unions and other special interests that stand to benefit. But polls suggest that the more voters find out about the slots plan, the more they tend to dislike it. For while it seems to promise quick cash on easy terms, in fact it's a raw deal.

In a January survey by the Baltimore Sun, 56 percent of respondents said they thought it was inappropriate to use state money to subsidize the horse racing industry. That's exactly what the slots plan would do, and in a big way: $100 million of Maryland's annual take from slots would go directly to bail out the industry through fatter purses at racetracks and other subsidies.

Similarly, in other polls, the public's support for slots falls sharply when respondents discover that the proposal entails changing Maryland's constitution. Ditto when people are asked how they would feel about introducing slot machine gambling in their county. In other words, slots are okay with Marylanders until they examine the details.

That dovetails with the findings of J. Joseph Curran Jr., Maryland's former attorney general, who issued a comprehensive report on the subject in the mid-1990s. At the time, Mr. Curran, who also happens to be the current governor's father-in-law, was studying the potential effect of full-fledged casino gambling on the state. Nonetheless, he reiterated his findings a few years ago, noting they applied equally to slot machine parlors.

Mr. Curran, who retired last year after almost 50 years in elective office, was long admired in Maryland politics as a straight shooter. "The impact would be this," he wrote. "Casinos would bring a substantial increase in crime to our State. There would be more violent crime, more crimes against property, more insurance fraud, more white collar crime, more juvenile crime, more drug- and alcohol-related crime, more domestic violence and child abuse, and more organized crime."

Advocates of slots don't want Marylanders to know too much before the fall referendum. They'd rather not have voters focus on crime, addictive behavior and other social costs associated with gambling, handouts to the moribund horse racing industry, or the fact that the state constitution would be tampered with under the proposal on the ballot. But here's a case where only a well-informed citizenry can make a sound decision. Let's hope for a full public airing and debate of all the issues surrounding slots.

Update from Living on $100 per week

2008-02-29T19:53:00.002-05:00

Well, we are into week four of living on $100 per week. Since Lent began on Ash Wednesday, Wednesdays are our beginning point of each week. To date we are more than $100 over budget. Of the first $400 or so spent in the first three weeks, $163 was for food and $174 was for gas.

We don't even commute anywhere! The church office is only 5 miles from home. The $163 for food in three weeks averages $54 per week. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. Special credit goes to church food and good use of leftovers. And still we are over budget. We did spend $20 on a babysitter to go to a church gathering, and included it in our budget... does that really count? Hard to say.

At the grocery store, it was an interesting exercise to determine what I absolutely couldn't live without and what I could put off. While shopping, the sale items did not get doubled in my cart, as would usually be the case. Not in the budget. I decided to forgo:
+replacing the spray butter...we can use regular
+the mini chocolate chips that I like so much for homemade waffles...we can use regular size we already own
+ the grape jelly...we can use up the blackberry and strawberry before buying more
+ the bagels... we may not have our three favorite varieties on hand all together, but we have a few bagels left
+ the cereal bars... we can use up other snack items first

Interesting that most of the savings comes from packaged foods. Cooking from scratch has definitely proven the most budget friendly.

This week I made lentil soup. My plan was to use half a pound of bacon for the soup, and the other half to make my daughter especially happy for breakfast one morning. She loves bacon. I used a plastic spoon and left it in the pan while the bacon was rendering. The spoon melted in the bacon. I had to throw it all away, start over, and use the bacon I was looking forward to sharing with Shannon. I was truly disappointed. I was also grateful that Shannon didn't know anything about the bacon, so she would not be disappointed.

I got to thinking about how often parents living on minimum must feel this way. I tried to tell myself that bacon for Shannon is not a necessity, and there is really no reason to want it. But it was the fact that I was looking forward to treating her, and then couldn't, that really got me.

On the flip side of disappointment, I am also discovering again a truth Marva Dawn wrote about in her book on Sabbath. When she talks about feasting on the Sabbath, she makes the point that we don't know how to enjoy a good feast because we don't how to fast. If every day is a day when we can have whatever we want, then there is no chance of having special days.

In this midst of this fast of a sort, I am finding that I appreciate all that I have. I savor every meal, and appreciate every indulgence. This week on Tuesday, I took some of the lentil soup to a meeting. Someone else brought the bread. At the end, I got to bring home the leftover loaf of fresh Italian bread. I was ridiculously pleased to bring home this treat!

Fear

2008-02-22T11:05:00.002-05:00

Every so often, I get a flash of insight that feels deep and memorable. I am not so sure for how long I actually remember it...but at the time, it feels memorable.

This happened to me on Sunday while I was in worship at Trinity. Tom Duffy was sharing the monologue on Caiaphas (the Lenten Monologues in worship have been great). I don't know what sparked this thought exactly, but it dawned on me that one of the greatest challenges in life is fear... and that somehow, my role as pastor involves being present to folks in ways that address fear, and invite folks to a deeper relationship of trust and freedom with Christ and with people.

I thought more about this last night in study group. We were talking about the Christian life being about acts of piety and acts of mercy. I remembered my own fears when I began this journey in earnest. I was intimidated, even scared, by the idea of prayer. I didn't know how to pray and every one else seemed to assume that it just comes naturally. Not only did I find acts of piety like prayer intimidating, I found acts of mercy to be as well. Eating dinner with homeless folks. Sharing in 2 weeks of Truck Stop ministry. Every time I engaged in a new spiritual practice, there was some level of fear surrounding it, if for no other reason that because it was new.

I think about all of the fear that surrounds our lives. I was talking with two moms this week who are worried/scared for their children in so many circumstances- riding the school bus, going to the mall, driving at night, going into Wilmington, etc. I really do try to commend my children to God's care, plan to teach them basic safety measures, and then trust God for the rest. I expect that parental fear becomes more intense as the kids get older and more independent. (My kids are 3 and 5.)

But I really really don't want to live my life in fear and worry for their safety. It is not abundant life. When I imagine some horrible thing that could happen to my kids, rather than fear it, I try to imagine how God would be present in that circumstance. I try to imagine trusting God in the midst of my child being in a car accident, or fill in the blank of 100 more horrible things that could happen.

The somewhat ironic thing is that I discovered that it is in the act of doing new things (even prayer and service) and facing the fear, the fear dissipates. I think the unknown is worse than anything else.

It's one of those....

2008-02-15T10:52:00.002-05:00

We got a call from the school nurse yesterday. As the parents of a girl in Kindergarten, this was our first call. We knew Shannon had a bit of a cold, a slight cough, and was not feeling fabulous. But she didn't have a fever, and wasn't sick enough to stay home.

When my husband told me about the call, our concern was not her missing school. It was that she would miss her Valentine's Day party that day, and potentially her "Jump Rope for Heart" on Friday, both of which she had been looking forward to immensely.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than a disappointed child. We were dreading what would happen if she got home without realizing what she had chosen for herself.

So I went to the school to talk with her. I explained I could certainly take her home...I also asked if she was thinking of her Valentine's Party. After some hemming and hawing she said "well, actually, I would like to go back to class." The nurse graciously agreed.

As we were walking down the hall, Shannon turned to me with one of her great smiles and said in a sweet, sincere little voice "I guess it was one of those half hour things."

Minimum wage continued...

2008-02-13T13:56:00.003-05:00

Well, today marks the first full week of our attempt to live on minimum wage during Lent. Ray tallied up our expenses and we overspent our $100 goal by $10. Not too bad, but not perfect. And we need to fill up the van.. that will mean at least $40 out of this week's money.

I am left wondering what folks do when they don't have that $10. I suppose the answer is to either pay for everything in cash and thus have not been able to buy the extra $10 worth of items (we have been using our credit card and keeping record) or begin to run a credit card balance.

It has been interesting how my perspective on things shifts. Dinner at Church sounds like a really good idea for a much different reason: it is cheap or free! Amazing what a different sort of motivator that is in making dinner plans. Dinner at a family member's home sounds almost irresistible!

Also, I am having my suspicion confirmed that it is cheaper to go the grocery store often (which is less than 2 miles away) than to try to buy groceries for an entire week or more. Inevitably, groceries are wasted when the planning is out further than 3-4 days.

Yesterday, when I was at the polls for Stop Slots Maryland, I went to the grocery store and bought sandwich makings and other items. It was cheaper than buying subs, and for the extra 10 minutes or so it required, it was certainly worth it to save $10-$20. (It probably put is over the $100 mark, but felt good to do.)

I am impressed by how much God truly provides for our needs. Also, I appreciate what we have on a deeper level.

My kids still don't have any idea that we are doing this, which I think is good. I don't want to raise our kids always saying "we can't afford this" and thus teach them that money will help meet all of their desires. I'm trying to simply focus upon "we don't need that; we have plenty at home." (And, there is still room enough for special requests for lunch box items...) I think this since I had already made it a habit to regularly refuse requests of many kinds, it is also easy enough to implement.

Thanks for reading about my journey thus far... it is a blessing to reflect upon it in writing.

Fasting, Simplicity, and Solidarity

2008-02-09T12:01:00.001-05:00

Lent began on Wednesday. I was blessed to be a part of a fabulous Ash Wednesday service at Ebenezer AME, hosted by our Ecumenical Association. I really appreciate the shared ministry and shared witness of our Ecumenical Association;I am grateful to God for this lay led group. It is fabulous.

Ray and I often share similar or overlapping spiritual commitments during Lent. Last year, when he gave up TV, I mostly gave it up with him. Although it was by default rather than design, it was still a tremendous blessing. We spent many extra hours just sitting and talking.

This year, we have decided to do a financial fast of sorts. We are trying to live on the equivalent of minimum wage. Our hope is that we will experience a deeper sense of what it is to fully rely on God for our provision, that we will live in solidarity with those who have no choice but to live on minimum wage, that we will learn more about how to sacrifice and submit ourselves to God's will through the overlapping disciplines of simplicity and fasting.

Several folks have asked how exactly we figure out the nuts and bolts of doing this. We did our best to calculate the monthly income of earning $6.15/hour for 40 hours and then 10 hours of overtime at $9.22. (I can tell you that if I lived in Cecil County and worked at minimum wage, I'd probably be commuting over the state line to Delaware, where they earn $7.15! But that is not part of our assumption.)

Assuming one of us works and the other takes care of the kids, we figured that after housing and other living expenses, $100 per week for food, gas, and other expenses would be our plan.

Although I do try to live by the discipline of simplicity in general, having my spending controlled by these parameters is a different experience. We are writing down every cent we spend. Spending 75 cents on some small snack at a convenience store seems ridiculous. Making as much as possible from scratch, and stretching our food to put off grocery shopping an extra day or two has gone to a whole new level in our house.

You know what? Right now, it's sort of fun. It is a challenge that after 3 whole days, we have been able to meet. Rather than go out for lunch with some folks from church, I made chicken salad, and we ate at home. And I saved the broth from cooking the chicken, which will become soup for dinner tonight.

This makes me question whether there is any solidarity or shared suffering happening. But I know that one of the blessings of simplicity is the joy of realizing how little material needs I truly have, and how much God really provides if I pay attention. So right now, that blessing seems to be happening.

One of the goals of spiritual practices during Lent is to begin habits that will be a part of our journey long after Lent is over. Although I don't expect to live on $100/week forever, I do hope that this fast, and our desire to live more deeply into the practices of simplicity, submission, solidarity will find fertile soil in our lives.

I'll let you know how it goes after more than 3 days have passed!

In the meantime, I invite you to read this Invitation to Observe a Holy Lent. This comes from the United Methodist Book of Worship. It is something that I find to be a blessing every year to review and reflect upon.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ:
the early Christians observed with great devotion
the days of our Lord’s passion and resurrection,
and it became the custom of the Church
that before the Easter celebration
there should be a forty-day season of spiritual preparation.
During this season converts to the faith were prepared for Holy Baptism.
It was also a time when persons who had committed serious sins
and had separated themselves from the community of faith
were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness,
and restored to participation in the life of the Church.
In this way the whole congregation was reminded of the mercy and forgiveness
proclaimed in the gospel of Jesus Christ
and the need we all have to renew our faith.
I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to observe a holy Lent:
by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial;
and by reading and meditating on God’s Holy Word.
To make a right beginning of repentance,
and as a mark of our mortal nature,
let us now bow before our Creator and Redeemer.

Stop Slots

2008-01-31T22:48:00.000-05:00

I'm back! Sorry for my absence. My husband had an appendectomy on January 4 and that pretty much put me in a hole for the month of January. To anyone who is still reading this blog, I thank you. You are most likely someone I know personally, or you would have given up on me. If I don't know you personally, I would like to!

I went to my first Stop Slots Maryland meeting on Monday Jan. 28. I am opposed to slot machines becoming part of the state of Maryland for many reasons I will list below.

If you live in Maryland (or a nearby state) and care about this issue (or even start caring after reading this post) I invite you to join the effort to be at a primary polling place on February 12, 2008. Details are at the end of this post, after the eloquent, persuasive arguments about why slots are a terrible idea.

First, some basic information about why slots are a terrible idea:
(I have drawn most of these from NoCasiNo Maryland and supplemented with additional research from Stop Slots MD)

+ They don't provide tax relief. In truth, casino gambling and slots drain a community, typically costing taxpayers $1.90 for every $1 collected in revenue.

+ Casino gambling and slots cannibalize the economy of a community, destroying restaurants and retail businesses. Once people are in these venues, they don't leave to patronize local businesses. In addition, money they used to spend locally now goes into a slot machine.

+Political corruption is rampant in states receiving revenue from casinos. Louisiana is just one example of how gambling has corrupted politics even further.

+Burglary, robbery, bad checks, and other crimes always increase dramatically when casinos and slots come to town. Casinos and slots facilities are a convenient front for organized crime to launder money from other activities such as drugs and prostitution. If that sounds extreme, consider that Maryland has already proved this is true when slots were legal in 4 counties from 1949-1968. See below for more information.

+Bankruptcies, divorces, and suicides increase wherever casino and slots gambling is allowed to prey on a community. The Minneapolis-St. Paul Star Tribune wrote about these effects on Minnesotans.

+Gambling is the fastest growing form of addiction among U.S. teens, women and senior citizens. Slots are the most addictive form of gambling. Between 2-10% of gamblers become addicted. Of those who are compulsive, 1 in 5 commits suicide.

+Gambling is a regressive tax paid primarily by the poor. No government, at any level, has the moral right to raise revenue by preying on the weaknesses of those in society who can least afford it.

+Joseph Napolitan, a political consultant in NJ, was instrumental in bringing gambling to Atlantic City. He now says "This was the was the worst mistake I ever made in 38 years of running campaigns. We assumed it would create thousands of jobs, revitalize the city, restore its economic strength, and make Atlantic City a better place to live. I sincerely thought it would be a boon to AC that was so badly needed. Within 3 years, the crime rate tripled. it went from 50th in the nation per capita crime to the 1st. Forty percent of local restaurants closed. The number of homeless people increased by 2000%. Property values dropped. There was violence. More people went on welfare. Shelters were jammed. An unseemly number of teenagers became gambling addicts. Prostitution was rampant. Anyone who thinks economic problems can be solved by gambling is closing his or her eyes to reality. We made a mistake. Gambling can destroy the heart and soul of a city."

+If gambling revenue projections are accurate (and they are often inflated) then siphoning $200 million out of Cecil County's citizens would not do the average family any good. There is a misconception that if a new gambling venue is built, it will be patronized by existing gamblers who were previously traveling elsewhere. The truth is that local folks who didn't before travel to gamble start to gamble when it is in the neighborhood.

I learned this week that Maryland has already had a thorough trial with slot machines. In fact, the counties where it was legal from 1949-1968 (Anne Arundel, Calvert, Charles, and St. Mary's) was known nationwide as "Little Vegas." In 1963, the four counties actually took $24 million in slots revenues, while the highest grossing casino in Vegas took in $20 million. Corruption in government was rampant. Organized crime was a player. Slot machines were everywhere- as one state senator put it, the only place he didn't see them was in churches. State House Speaker Michael Busch grew up in Anne Arundel County and he has used significant political capital to oppose slot machines in Maryland. He knows why this is such a bad idea from personal experience.

At this point, I think it is important to shine some light and hope on this referendum. According the Free State Politics, of the 16 gambling referendums that have gone to ballot, only 5 of them have had results the gaming industry hoped for. This is a fight that can be won.

Eric Luedtke writes in a blog called Free State Politics
Maine, Ohio, Rhode Island, California, Nebraska, and Washington all defeated some kind of slots legalization or expansion. In each of these cases, there was a whole heck of a lot of money poured into the pro-gambling campaigns. But there was also some surprising opposition. In many of these states, existing gambling or business interests opposed the gambling expansion. In the case of California Proposition 70 and Florida Amendment 4, statewide Chambers of Commerce were active opponents of gambling interests. So Maryland progressives may not be as alone as we might think. In Maine, LL Bean and other local corporate interests opposed the authorization of a new harness-racing track and slots operation because it conflicted with the essential character of the state. Maine, like Maryland, has a large tourism industry and a self-image that centers around natural beauty and unique local industries rather than endless rows of people worshipping the one-armed idol. Or put another way, there may be a case to be made that Maryland’s mascot should be the blue crab rather than the slots casino.

The point is this: the gambling industry is not the unstoppable monolith it sometimes seems. Yes, they have a lot of money to throw at ballot questions. But despite the big money, they lose more than they win. If there’s any lesson we learned from the success of Karl Rove over the last few years, it’s that gaining the aura of inevitability is half the battle. If people believe the other side will win, they give up. They stop fighting. And they lose.

Despite what the polling numbers seem to say at first glance, despite support for slots that seems at times to be spreading like a plague across the state, we can win this thing. But we need to fight hard and smart over the next twelve months to get it done.

You might also check out this article. Among other things, it makes the point that by going to referendum, opponents of slots have the chance to put this issue to rest, once and for all.
Maryland Politics Watch: Why Progressives Should Not Punish Legislators Who Voted for the Slots Referendum

Last, but certainly not least, as a United Methodist pastor, I must point out the the UMC is officially opposed to gambling. Paragraph 163 of the Book of Discipline says this:

Gambling is a menace to society, deadly to the best interests of moral, social, economic, and spiritual life, and destructive of good government. As an act of faith and concern, Christians should abstain from gambling and should strive to minister to those victimized by the practice. Where gambling has become addictive, the Church will encourage such individuals to receive therapeutic assistance so that the individual’s energies may be redirected into positive and constructive ends. The Church should promote standards and personal lifestyles that would make unnecessary and undesirable the resort to commercial gambling-including public lotteries-as a recreation, as an escape, or as a means of producing public revenue or funds for support of charities or government.

So, if you have read all of that and would like join the grass roots campaign to defeat this referendum when it appears on the ballot in November, then I have good news for you! You're invited to become a member of Stop Slots Maryland. I just became a member, and therefore don't have much experience yet, but I do know that they have been fighting this fight for years, and worked with other pastors I trust. (Right now, the website is being redesigned, but you can add your contact info to the database.) Their plan is to set up tables at as many polling sites as possible around the state on February 12, when the primary elections are held. This involves wearing a T-Shirt, distributing printed literature, and signing up folks who also want to join the effort. This will give a good start at reaching motivated voters and creating a broad spectrum of support to defeat this measure in November.

If you want to participate, please either email me or comment on this post. I will connect you with instructions, resources, etc. I will be at Bohemia Manor and welcome lots of help. I am hoping that since Cecilton Elementary is also nearby, that will be easily staffed too. The pastor in Cecilton, Joe Burris, is also supportive. There are still polling places in the county that are not yet adopted. I look forward to hearing from you.

Birthday

2007-12-28T12:29:00.000-05:00

I had lunch with one of my friends from Seminary yesterday. It wasn't until I said aloud "I'm turning 36 tomorrow" that it hit me: I am turning 36! I had just gotten accustomed to being 35. It took me the better part of a year to become comfortable with this reality. Now bang! I'm 36.

One of my birthday gifts from God last night was that a couple I met nearly choked on their appetizers when I told them I am a pastor and their eyes got even wider when I answered their question of "how long" by answering "Eleven years." She commented "you have a very young face."

Thanks be to God.

I must say I am totally surprised at the fact that I am struggling with this age thing. I was raised by parents who both look younger than their years and never paid lots of attention to age. My favorite story about my Dad is the year he turned 50. I was backpacking in Europe with college friends. We had a rotation system for calling home, with each of us taking a turn calling our family, and then the families doing a round robing check in using much cheaper phone rates. On the Friday before my Dad's birthday, it was my turn to call. As I signed off, I said "OK Dad, I'll talk to you on Monday." My mother reported that all weekend, my Dad was muttering "why is she calling on Monday?" When my mother wished him a Happy Birthday on Monday morning, his reply was "THAT'S why Amy is calling again today."

I had always thought I would age in the same way. But I am finding that much of my identity was wrapped up in being "young." I went from being a "young adult" to being "young clergy." Now, I don't qualify for any of those categories... and 40 sounds soooo much younger than it used to! So the adjustment for me has been to shift my own sense of identity, and to embrace who I am now.

And honestly, I am enjoying the adventure. I think now that I have gotten beyond the adjustment to being 35, I can handle things for at least the next handful of years. I am finding that I enjoy adulthood (with no qualifications) quite a bit.

Prayer

2007-12-23T06:31:00.000-05:00

I clearly remember being in my early 20s, beginning to worship in a church I came to love, and not believing much, if any of what the other folks believed. I have a vivid memory of lying in bed one night, deciding I would try prayer. This was immediately followed by 2 thoughts. First, "I'm not even sure I believe anyone is listening" and second, "how do I pray? I have no idea."

This has left me with something of a passion for being intentional about sharing methods of prayer. There are so many. I find it is common in the church for the subject of prayer to have a lot of assumptions surrounding it, the boldest assumption being that everyone already knows how to pray.

So I cannot remember how I came across this method, but I find it is mysteriously wonderful. For a long while, several years ago, I was in the habit taking time in silent prayer in which I would ask God "who do I need to pray for?" Very often, the most random of people would come to mind, and I would pray for them.

Here's one of the things I have discovered about prayer: I get bored with the same way of praying. So I change forms to avoid boredom; if I get bored, I will simply stop praying.

The really interesting thing is that this is one technique God has not let me stop using. By that I mean I have learned to trust that when people pop into my mind out of the blue, I pray for them.

And over the course of the past 2 months, on five different Sundays as I have been sitting in silence to prepare for worship, God has brought someone to mind. In each case, that person has been in worship that morning, very often someone who has been away for some reason.

Prayer is indeed a mysterious thing.

Rally for Mary Randall Day Center

2007-12-21T13:56:00.000-05:00

Today was an exceptional day. December 21st is National Homeless Person's Memorial Day. The Meeting Ground organized a rally and march in Elkton, focusing upon homelessness generally and upon the Mary Randall Center specifically.

The Mary Randall Center, at 401 North St. in Elkton, was purchased by Meeting Ground (by the grace of God). It is commercially zoned, centrally located, and was made possible by a large donation in memory of its namesake. The mission of the Mary Randall Center is to provide a space during the day for people experiencing homelessness or on the brink of becoming homeless, offering life-skills workshops, Bible study, and resources to help people. It would get people off of the streets during the day, and give them the opportunity to put their lives together. It is a gift from God.

However, the Town of Elkton does not seem to agree. Despite the Meeting Ground's careful attention to buying a commercially zoned property, they have ruled that a special variance is required. They have denied all building and occupancy permits. This means that not even a bathroom facility can be completed, and thus the house cannot even be used for office space for Meeting Ground staff.

It looked to me as though more than 100 people turned out for the rally and march. I was especially proud to be pastor of this church family, because at least 15 members of our community of faith were there, including three children (2 mine), two teenagers, and two people who dedicate their vocational life to this mission by working full time for Meeting Ground. People shared testimony. We walked through Elkton. We even had the blessing of a police escort to stop traffic at intersections. We broke bread together at the Community Kitchen.

I don't know what this road ahead will look like, but I am confident of the outcome. God will not let this injustice stand. I am buoyed not only by faith, but by knowledge of the past. Every time Meeting Ground has purchased a facility in Cecil County, they have had to fight in court in order to open. Every time, Meeting Ground has won. (If I were a town of Elkton tax payer, I would be none too happy that my tax dollars might get wasted on a futile effort)

I have sent email letters to the mayor and three of four town council members (one does not appear to have email) I encourage you to do the same. Regardless of where you live, express your opinion as someone who lives in Elkton, shops in Elkton, or as a person in the world beyond Elkton to let them know this is an issue that carries far beyond the boundaries of the town. (Of course, actual town residents who vote will have the most sway... so if you are one, please write)

Mayor Fisona: jfisona10@comcast.net
Mr. Charles Givens: elkadsec@iximd.com
Mrs. MaryJo Jablonksi: maryjo105@comcast.net
Mr. Earl Piner: drearl44@aol.com

As I looked around the circle of closing prayer today, I saw God's people, from all walks of life and of varying beliefs, gathered in sacred community. I am grateful to God to be able to witness this, and to be able to share this with my children.

In the Spirit of Advent I say "Come, Lord Jesus."

Bud

2007-12-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

I am still processing the news of Bud's cancer. Bud is one of the spiritual rocks of our community of faith. In some ways, the pastor of Trinity hasn't changed in more than 30 years. Up until recently, I often joked that I have never lived in fear of a parishioner's funeral until I met Bud. He is one of the most amazing, faithful men I know...and he is definitely the most amazing 82 year old I know.

The news that he has cancer of the esophagus and liver has been with us now for several weeks. Most of the conversations I have with folks in our church family involve tears...mine and theirs. As you would expect from a man of deep faith and discipleship, he is both fully in touch with his mortality and his faith. He keeps hearing the Lord tell him "just trust me" which makes me cry all over again in awe of this trust.

When I first got the news, my reaction was shock. That was almost immediately followed by spending a morning in a tearful heap. Now that has given way to a deeper understanding of the "peace that passes all understanding" from the verses I love so much in Philippians 4:4-7. I really do believe that God will carry us through all of the pain, change, and joy that lies ahead.

Bud has been through one chemo treatment, and has had a port put in. He tolerated the first treatment well, and he is hopeful for the future. It may be stage 4 cancer, but he is not going anywhere soon. I find I am buoyed by his hope.

I just keep thinking about all of the ways he blesses so many in our community...both within the church and beyond. Just today I was talking (and crying) with another woman in the church. She told me a story I had never heard- when she was in financial straits a few years ago, Bud knew she was trying to get a loan to pay off the medical and other bills. He asked her how things were going, and she shared that she had been declined for the loan. His response? He went immediately to the bank and co-signed for her.

I could tell dozens more stories of how Bud has followed Jesus in tangible ways. And I have only known him for 4 1/2 years. His hospital visitation and service as treasurer for administering funds for folks in crisis create stories every week. As time goes on, I expect that I will hear an avalanche of stories of how Bud has blessed person after person in our community and beyond.

I think the most precious gift a pastor receives is the gift of serving in meaningful relationship with folks in the church... folks who give themselves over completely to living the gospel. Bud is such a person. I am so grateful for him, perhaps now more than ever.

Baking

2007-12-14T13:33:00.000-05:00

It is official. My baking desires have taken over. I love to bake. I have baked cookies Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night this week. I have made sugar cookies; they are in my freezer waiting to be frosted. I have made white chocolate chip shortbread cookies; they are going fast. Last night I had a sudden craving for these cookies (while I was taking a yoga class...I don't think that says good things about my meditative practices...)

Since this is what has been on my mind this week, I am sharing the recipe I made last night. (I don't have the other ones handy at the moment...perhaps I will share those later) I don't use very impressive recipes. I got this from the internet. The white chocolate came from the Toll House bag... you get the idea. I just enjoy baking.

The Preschool director said I should just bake for a living... isn't she kind? Honestly, there are days when that sounds like a FABULOUS idea . Enjoy....

Chocolate Peanut Butter Oatmeal No Bake Cookies:

2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup cocoa
1/2 cup butter or margarine
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup peanut butter
3 cups oatmeal

Mix the sugar and cocoa in a heavy saucepan. Add the butter and milk. Bring to a boil, but do not boil longer than one minute.

Add vanilla, peanut butter and oatmeal. Stir till completely mixed.

Before the mixture cools down, quickly drop spoonfuls on waxed paper to set.

God helps those...

2007-12-04T20:51:00.001-05:00

...who help themselves. I expect that is what you thought of when you read the title, right?

I read an article a few years ago about this phrase. It made two interesting points. First, it is impossible to find the "saint" in Christian history who supposedly coined the phrase. Second, that this appears no place in Scripture.

The author of the article literally tracked through dozens of books and publications, tracing their footnotes, looking for the original source of this phrase. It had been credited to everyone from St. Augustine of the 5th Century, to John Wesley, the 18th Century founder of Methodism, to John Wesley's mother. All told, the writer found more than 20 different citations citing as many sources for this phrase, none of which turned out to be true!

The author went on to note that a survey of the average American walking down the street would probably be nearly certain that this phrase appears somewhere in the Bible. It does not.

He went on to make an excellent point: if anything, the opposite truth is found in Scripture. God helps those who rely on God. God helps those who cry out for help. God helps those who need grace. I think this is why the writer could not find "God helps those who help themselves" in any writings of saints. They all know that the opposite is true.

I was sharing this in a sermon two weeks ago. There is a family in our community of faith who have been doing amazing things with their elementary school age kids. They are teaching them how to get into worship in a traditional setting. They have begun reading and singing the hymns, and saying the prayers, and listening to the sermon, and even talking about the sermon later. (As you can imagine, this warms my heart and gives me great hope.)

So imagine my joy today when the mother emailed me to say that her daughter came home flustered from having a substitute teacher that day in school. Apparently, her regular teacher encourages students to help one another. (I think this is fabulous. What a great way to encourage team work, shared learning, and generally looking out for one another.) The substitute was not accustomed to this type of goings on in the classroom, and was fussing at one of the students for being helpful. The substitute used the phrase"God helps those who help themselves" in her admonishment.

The daughter came home and said "but Mommy, Pastor Amy said that is not true, didn't she?" And it opened the way for another conversation on the topic.

I visited with a grieving family today. I shared my thoughts on the importance of feeling emotions, and of teaching our children (especially our boys) that it is OK to cry, to feel bad and sad and angry and guilty and all of the things that accompany things like an untimely death. How much better would the world be if we stopped pretending that we humans have no vulnerabilities, that "God helps those who help themselves" and instead live in the truth that God helps those who cry out for help?

Extremes?

2007-11-24T17:31:00.000-05:00

I have just finished reading two books at the same time. This is really not so unusual in the sense that I am part way through several books at any given time. But these two have both been commanding my attention to such a degree that I read them both just about every day.

It struck me today that they represent the balance of Christian life:

loving God and loving and serving other people.

The Covenant Disciple Group movement, which I love so much for the sense of authenticity I see in it, is rooted in this very idea....that to live a balanced life involves being intentional about public worship and justice, and personal devotion and compassion.

Eat, Pray, Love is in one of my favorite genres: personal spiritual autobiography. (Not sure that is an actual name of actual genre...but basically it is Gilbert's personal story of her faith journey.) After a difficult divorce, Gilbert spends 4 months in Italy (eating) and enjoying herself, then four months at an Ashram in India, doing yoga and meditating, then four months in Indonesia (Bali to be exact) learning to integrate pleasure and devotion. She ultimately falls in love with a new man. Her descriptions of experiencing transcendence, of meditating and being transported into God's presence left me longing for that type of experience too.

Irresistible Revolution is more of a theology book, written very accessibly, which is really part autobiography and part Bible study, calling the church to some serious action. If we really believe in loving our enemies, and that God's Kingdom is found on the margins and among unlikely (and generally poor) people, then the church should be practicing these things. Claiborne is one of the founding members of the The Simple Way. This is a community in Philadelphia that lives in a poor section of the city, in solidarity with the neighborhood, trying to love people as Jesus does. They live as simply as possible, and do all kinds of things to bless those around them, with things like a community garden, after school tutoring, food assistance, etc. They are a part of a movement called "new monasticism"

It also strikes me that both of these authors are around my age. This did not really strike me until I had completed both books. I think this is part of the reason I really resonated with both of these authors...we are part of the same tribe. (Note: it is an odd feeling to realize that from now on, more and more authors will be my age. I think I am going to enjoy reading even more, if such a thing is possible.)

These books leave me longing for an even deeper faith life. I want it all (Lord, help me, it's true). I want a prayer life that transports me into the presence of God, and a public life that is dedicated to ministry on the margins of society (a.k.a. the heart of God's Kingdom)

My husband and I have been talking about trying (for a month) to live on minimum wage as a way of being in solidarity with people who work hard and end up with far too little. This feels like a good next step. We are looking at January.

I also want to go and visit some of the new monastic communities...and who knows, perhaps someday, an Ashram! (In the meantime, I think some more intentional yoga is in order.)

What I really want is live the most authentic life of faith that I can...these books have opened doors in my imagination of what is possible.

Thanksgiving Gift

2007-11-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

I received a precious gift this morning. It came in the form of a phone call from a woman I first met more than eight years ago. She was a member of the church I served before coming to Chesapeake City. Laura (not her real name) was a woman who was seeking after all the big answers when we first met. She was depressed, unhappy in her marriage, struggling with her nearly grown children, and genuinely trying to figure out how to live well. She and I spent many hours together in worship, Bible study, service, and around her kitchen table. I came to care deeply for her.

I like to joke that I never received my magic God wand in the mail. I had hoped it would finally arrive when I was ordained, but alas, it seems to have gotten lost in the mail. I have so many uses for a magic God wand!

In absence of that, I listened, prayed, and tried to love Laura. She tried to figure out how to open herself up to God and learn to trust and to be loved.

She called this morning to say thank you for letting God use me to bless her. She has relocated a bit north. She has accepted her marriage for what it is, and is not. She has accepted her children. Most of all, she has been blessed by her relationship with God. She even landed in my home church. Small world.

As we were studying Scripture this morning, the lectionary gospel lesson is the crucifixion story in Luke 23. Just after Jesus cries out "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing" the guards begin casting lots for his clothing. They don't even register what Jesus has just said. Then someone challenges Jesus to save himself, if he is who he says it is. But that was not the appointed hour. The appointed hour was still three days away, when he would rise, overcoming sin and death. How difficult it must have been to endure the time for what it was, trusting God in the midst of his suffering.

Every time I sit, listen, cry, and pray with someone, I long for God to heal them, to heal me, to end this difficult time. Usually, it is not yet the time. The healing, the resurrection, is coming. But I spend most of my time in the not yet. What a gift to be given another glimpse of God's faithfulness, love, and healing.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

2007-11-10T13:09:00.000-05:00

I finished reading Barbara Kinlsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food of Life. It was a great read that has influenced my thinking.

The premise of the book is that she and her family focused for a year on eating almost entirely locally. They did this for multiple reasons. First, out of concern for the environment-so much of our food is shipped from such distances that the fuel alone is hard on creation.

Second, out of a desire to eat really good food, which is best when it is in season and fresh (and of course free of chemicals and pesticides).

Third, out a desire to bless the local economy, believing that if all people ate locally, farmers would be able to make a living with sustainable, organic agriculture. Agribusiness farming practices include horrible animal conditions and producing tomatoes based upon their ability to ship well as opposed to taste good.

Finally, agribusiness farming is leading to a shocking drop of biodiversity on our planet (thousands of plant species that were once raised by farmers around the world are just gone from the planet now) being replaced by genetically modified foods. I do find it a persuasive argument that we could be courting disaster (famine) with genetic modification and limited diversity. It strikes me that playing God is never safe.

Changing my ways...

The idea of buying locally, organic, and free range seems so obvious now. I am surrounded by great opportunities. I just need to take advantage of them. There is Locust Point Farm which is less than 2 miles from my home, as well as Nickerson's Meats a few miles in the other direction, and Rumbleway farm on the other side of the county that is certified organic. (If you click on the Locust Point farm link, you'll see them all listed along with others.)

At Locust Point, I can get eggs fresh off of the farm, organic milk and cheese from free range cows brought from Chambersburg PA (not exactly local, but certainly better), and fresh free range chicken they raise, as well as local beef, pork, etc.

Detwilers Farmers Market is on the same road (Locust Point, just down from Baker's Restaurant). They offer fresh local produce from spring through fall, along with baked goods, eggs, jelly, etc.

Then there is the farmers market that opened in Middletown, the farmers market on Kirkwood Hwy. in Newark, and the market in New Castle on Route 13. (I am not sure about the one in Elkton. I didn't find anything local or organic at that one.) Granted, not all of these are offering all local goods, but I have a much better chance there.

And my best year round option for local, fresh, organic food is at Newark Natural Foods Co-Op. They have a real live farmers market with local farmers Spring, Summer, and Fall on Sundays from 10-2. In addition, the co-op is a year round great source of just about everything.

Finally, I discovered Calvert Farm which offers a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) subscription. They offer farm fresh produce, delivered weekly to many locations, including the Newark Co-op. So I am finally going to subscribe to one (I have contemplated in the past).

I have also been inspired to begin using my bread machine again, using organic flour and such.

Last but not least, I want to learn to make cheese. Yes, that is typed correctly. I want to learn to make cheese. In the book, Kingsolver has a recipe for mozzarella in 30 minutes. Who knew making cheese is about as simple as having milk, the right cultures, and a few other ingredients! I am hoping to receive the cookbook for Christmas (if I can wait that long).

I have to confess, though, that a big part of the book was about their garden. Ray and I have tried a garden for the past four summers. We are just not good gardeners. So the jury is still out as to whether will again be trying to be produce food as local as our back yard.

I recommend the book. It is as entertaining as it is interesting and informative. Regardless of whether you read it or not, I invite you to join with me in eating more locally and in season. It's good for people and good for creation.

This is the difference...

2007-11-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

On Sunday evening, we hosted some clergy family friends at the house for dinner. Ray and I are most motivated to clean house in response to someone coming over. The dining room table was cleared for the first time since August 25 (Jacob's 3rd Birthday party). The clutter from all over the house was either sorted through and thrown away, or hidden in the basement.

As I was making dinner preparations, Ray was doing a great job of leading the cleaning brigade. Jacob is able to push the vacuum cleaner, which he loves. Shannon was into polishing the dining room chairs. Ray sprayed on the wood polish, and Shannon dusted her little heart out.

We even got out the china, which we have not done in more than a year, I am sure. I was embarrassed to discover that some of the dishes still have sale stickers on them. Mind you, we have been married for 12 years.

As we were all going about our tasks, Shannon paused and said "this is the difference between having cousins over for dinner and other people over for dinner."

We all had a good laugh. My daughter sure is an observant 5 year old.

A Beautiful Day

2007-11-02T14:50:00.000-04:00

I was sitting in our staff meeting this morning, looking at the beautiful fall colors appearing outside my window, noticing the gently swaying tree limbs in the autumn wind. I had a strong desire to be outside, walking around.

As soon as the meeting was over, I went out for a walk. I was entirely enchanted with Chesapeake City. I try not to shop unless I need things (too tempting to buy things that I do not need), but since I was without my wallet, it was fairly safe. I browsed through several gift shops. I went into Vulcan's Rest, where people can learn to knit, crotchet, weave, make baskets, quilt, and do other things I have never heard of. I thought to myself how many people have such an amazing store like this in walking distance? Here I serve in this beautiful little town, full of lovely shops, restaurants, B&Bs, that is all on the water...and how often do I get out and just enjoy it?

As I walked around town, I thought about how much I am enjoying life (especially since I have given up feeling overwhelmed!) and how I really should just enjoy every day more. Then I went to lunch with six other people from church and had a lovely time.

Then, I started feeling guilty. Shouldn't I be concerned about feeling complacent and comfortable? Shouldn't I feel a sense of urgency? Shouldn't I be suffering for the sake of the gospel?

And I wonder why it is so difficult to just enjoy the life God has given me.

So, perhaps I need to add "give up feeling guilty for enjoying myself" to my list of things to give up...

Living Emotions

2007-10-26T11:07:00.000-04:00

I was talking with a friend about how disappointed I am in some people in my life. I am grieving over (what I can only call) a lapse in integrity. He pointed out that I should get used to the fact that people are disappointing. This was said in honest concern for me. While I appreciate that this is reality- people sin, people fall short, people disappoint people- I was reminded of one of my pledges to myself and God. I would rather be in relationship with people, with all of the associated risks, and then go through grief and pain when I am disappointed, as opposed to shut down and "protect my heart" from such pain.

My pledge is rooted in having spent time hearing stories (mostly from other clergy) who have shut down emotionally because they are tired of being hurt and disappointed. One of the choices that a person can make after loving, trusting, or otherwise being in relationship and then experiencing something that hurts is to stop taking some of the risks of relationship. This happens greater or lesser degrees, depending upon the person.

One of my personal convictions is that God did not give us emotions so we could pretend that we do not have the difficult ones (i.e. anger, pain, grief, disappointment, fear). So often humans respond to pain and hurt as if it should not be a part of life. I have not discovered any evidence or orthodox Christian teaching that supports this notion.

So I have determined that I would prefer to be fully alive, which includes all of the pain, rather than shut down. Appropriate boundaries are vital. Healthy relationships, with good, realistic expectations are important.

But here's the thing, and there is no getting around this: relationships are risky and people sin. Given a choice between opening my heart, and being optimistic, followed by later experiencing pain or not opening my heart at all, I believe in relationship.

I think part of my effectiveness as a pastor is rooted in my ability to be in healthy relationship. I also think that the "negative" emotions (like anger, disappointment, pain) are the ones that have the power to motivate change.

So I'm hurt, disappointed, grieving... and that's life.

Certainty

2007-10-23T15:27:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, I had the opportunity to do a dry run of a talk I am giving on a Walk to Emmaus weekend. These are 3 day retreats that use 15 talks and small group discussion, among other things, to offer folks a chance to grow in faith and discipleship. I am giving the talk on prevenient grace.

I used an image I read in a book by Steve Manskar. The image of grace- prevenient, justifying, and sanctifying- can be analogous to the front porch, doorway, and main rooms of a house. The front porch is prevenient grace- the grace into which we are born, before we even know there is grace. This is the grace that comes before, the grace that leads us to faith, the grace that is at work before we even recognize it is there. It is by God's prevenient grace that we discover the doorway to the household of faith- this is justifying grace. Justifying grace is when we walk through the door, and are set right with God. This is how we enter into relationship with Christ. It may a moment of walking through a door, or it may be like a long hallway (like me). Then sanctifying grace is the grace that makes us more holy, more like Christ, and allows us to grow into the person God intends for us to be.

As I was sharing this talk, I wove in some of my personal experiences of Grace. I talked about how I had questions that kept me from faith while I was in college. These included some of the biggies, like "if Christianity is the 'right' religion, then why does every human community in history and in the present have its own religious system, all claiming authority?" and "if God is so good and so powerful, why does God allow such things as the Holocaust to happen?"

For me, a big part of grace was realizing that I could experience being loved by God's people, and glimpse God's love for me, even with my questions intact. I shared that I still have questions about faith, and that this is OK. I am not God.

During the feedback time, every group commented that my honesty about still having questions was a really good thing, something they appreciated hearing, and expect that the folks on the weekend will resonate with. One woman even commented that the three-fold grace finally clicked for her (thanks Steve Manskar)

I left there reminded of how important it is to be honest about the walk of faith. This was the sole advice of a teacher I once had. "Amy, just be honest with people." I think this is why I struggle so much with fundamentalist expressions of faith. There seems little room for questions.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine. She commented about someone she is acquainted with who rubs her the wrong way because she finds him arrogant. (He is very theologically conservative.) I had this flash of thought: it requires a certain amount of arrogance to claim so much certainty about God.

I think this is why, every week, I have a certain amount of trepidation about preaching. God help me if I seem to have all of the answers- only God does. And it is my experience thus far that there are all kinds of questions for which we have not been given clear answers. I have become comfortable with that; I think mystery is preferable to any alternative. In mystery, there is plenty of love, which is all I really need (most days).

I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by theologian Jurgen Moltmann, who writes about unsatisfying answers to the "theodicy" question...this is the fancy term for "why do bad things happen to good people?" also known as "if God is good and powerful, why do things like the Holocaust happen?"

He writes this:“It is the real task of faith and theology to make it possible for us to survive, to go on living, with this open wound. The person who believes will not rest content with any slickly explanatory answer to the theodicy question. And he will also resist any attempts to soften the question down. The more a person believes, the more deeply he experiences pain over the suffering in the world and the more passionately he asks about God and the new creation”

Overwhelming

2007-10-18T14:27:00.001-04:00

When I was in Seminary, one of my professors used an expression I still find amusing to think about. He was the convener of our Student Pastor Track weekly conversations and the express purpose of our conversations was to share experiences and ideas, and offer support as we felt our way through Seminary and serving our first church.

Whenever it became clear that one of us would need to have a difficult and potentially painful conversation with a member of the church, our professor would call it "a prayer meeting." Others in our group would refer to this as a "come to Jesus meeting." Our convener also gave us a great barometer for whether to actually have such a conversation or let it go. He advised us that if were looking forward to having this conversation, we probably should not be having it. But if we were dreading the conversation, it probably needed to happen. I have to say, I have had very few of these types of conversations with church folks, and probably need to have had more... but confrontation is not something I seek out.

I have found, though, that God seems to have these conversations with me on occasion. And the terms "prayer meeting" and "come to Jesus meeting" feel entirely appropriate. I remember the first time I felt scolded by God. It was during my first serving Town Point and Trinity. I have always had a nagging question as to whether I should more fully live out my passion for mission and social justice by committing to full time ministry in these areas, rather than be a generalist as a pastor. I was driving to Town Point one morning, asking God if I should be leaving the pulpit and seeking other expressions of ministry. What I heard spoken to my heart was "you'll be a pastor until I tell you stop, and not before." I have not had quite a sense before or since.

More often, I have a moment of insight or clarity from God. This came this morning. I found myself feeling overwhelmed by the stewardship campaign. I was disheartened and overwhelmed that I/we are so behind in preparations for mailings, sermons, presentations, etc. Then I became discouraged by feeling overwhelmed...AGAIN. I am tired of feeling perpetually overwhelmed. "I just got finished feeling overwhelmed by Blended Ministry Parish preparations and voting" was my lament. When overwhelmed, my thoughts always turn to "there must be an easier way for me to earn a living." These were the same thoughts I was having on Sunday morning as I struggled to preach; it is always more difficult after being away for a week.

Thankfully, Lori Goldsmith, who has been serving in the office for the month of October with grace and distinction, came in prayed with me. I felt a lightening of my spirit. As I drove to covenant group, I came to what I hope is a turning point. I realized that being a pastor is it- this is the life I am called to, this is the life I have been equipped for, and this is the life I expect I will be living for the next 30 years. And I just cannot bear the thought of being perpetually overwhelmed for the next 30 years. So either I trust that God is in the midst of all of this, and that giving my best is all that God asks, or I don't. And if I really trust it, than feeling overwhelmed doesn't do any good or make any sense.

So I am giving it up- no more overwhelm. Just steady effort, giving God my best, and trusting the results in God's time. Hopefully, plenty more "come to Jesus" moments will keep me on track. It's a hard thing, this staying on track stuff....thank God for grace...otherwise it would simply be impossible!

Caffiene, Fair Trade, and Grace

2007-10-16T13:59:00.001-04:00

I went to Starbucks this morning to meet a friend for coffee. I am not a regular customer of their admittedly delicious coffee Starbucks for two reasons: I am frugal, and I try to drink only Fair Trade coffee. I was looking forward to this meeting, both because of my friend and because I had read that Starbucks has begun serving some Fair Trade coffee.

When I asked for Fair Trade coffee, I got a quite unexpected answer from the barista: we only brew Fair Trade on the 20th of the month. I found this quite amusing, in a cynical kind of way. Some Starbucks executive must have figured out that the business return on being able to say "we buy Fair Trade coffee" and then serving it once per month was a good business model!

I am reminded of why liberal talk radio failed when broadcast between Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus. I am thinking of why "blended worship" music, encompassing both traditional music and praise music, so often fails. The reasons are the same: nobody is happy. In the case of radio, it's like having an opera station with one hour of rock and roll per day. That one hour is going to anger the opera lovers, and not enough rock and roll listeners will know which hour to tune in. In blended worship music, no body gets the kind of worship experience they crave. So it is, I think, with serving Fair Trade coffee. For people who care about this issue, one day per month is laughable. For people who don't care about this issue, it makes no difference in their loyalty. I don't know- perhaps Starbucks has discovered people who sort of care of Fair Trade and are glad to hear that on some level, Starbucks buys some Fair Trade Coffee.

I suppose the barista did not hear me say "decaf" when I asked for it. I actually thought of going back and verifying that it was decaf, but for whatever reason, I did not. Well, I should have listened to that voice. I have been all jitters ever since. Talk about a high! I haven't had caffeine like that in more than five years. I cannot believe I did not get sick to my stomach (one of the many reasons I stopped). I have been flying all morning...and well into this afternoon, I am still going. No wonder folks love this stuff. I have to confess, I am half tempted to begin drinking it again!

As I was sitting there, drinking my coffee, and waiting for my friend, the barista came by and asked where we knew each other. We worked out that members of her family are a part of our community of faith. She then came back and gave me a free bag of Fair Trade coffee...a gift of grace. (Sadly, it is caffeinated, but it will make a great gift.)

So thanks be to God for caffeine, Fair Trade, and baristas who know me. What a way to start the day!

Bearing False Witness

2007-10-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

If you have been reading my blog for a long time, you remember that I wrote about the homeless several times, beginning with this post about the town of Elkton bulldozing a makeshift camp of homeless people's belongings. (And if you have been reading my blog for a long time, I am impressed, because lately it has been lousy! I am trying to make amends. Many thanks for your patience!)

A quick update on how things have developed since that fateful day. The churches have pulled together to create a Rotating Homeless Shelter, which is heading into its second year. The town has been sued for its treatment of these folks. They have also had struck down an attempted ordinance to ban "loitering" aka homeless people walking down the street. Clearly, the Holy Spirit is working. Finally, the Meeting Ground, which has been spearheading all of this, has purchased a commercially zoned home that is perfect for a day center in Elkton. It is the Mary Randall Center.

I read an article yesterday that gave me pause. It was about the growing opposition to the Mary Randall Center. I am not linking the article here because I don't want to single out anyone. Instead, I want to reflect upon one of the ten commandments and its general disregard (as I see it).

The article opened by quoting someone who is opposed to this center opening in his/her neighborhood. The opposition was framed by using the context of saying that s/he has volunteered at another local shelter, but they just don't want it HERE. The implication, of course, is "I have been in relationship with homeless folks, so I know what I am talking about, and I can say this with authority."

I was reminded of another time I heard someone oppose having a shelter near them, and the person used as justification their volunteer work experience in the past to claim authority to speak and opine.

This does not sit well with me. It just feels wrong, but I couldn't quite clarify my thinking as to why. I was venting to a clergy friend, and he put it in words that rang true. He said simply "it's bearing false witness."

It is breaking the 9th commandment.

I know it is false witness, because I too have spent time with folks who need the Mary Randall Center, who need the services it will provide. I have shared meals with them, spent nights in a church building with them, celebrated as some of them have gotten their lives more together, and grieved over one of their untimely deaths. And I am not an authority on this subject by any stretch of the imagination. There are many, many more faithful servants around our county who are in much deeper relationship with the folks who will be helped by the Mary Randall Center.

I don't know a single person who has spent any real time with these folks who isn't touched and changed by the experience. I find that every person has a story, a life, is cherished by God, and every person is deserving of a chance to make things better. And there is no perfect place to do such ministry because there is no place where fear of the unknown and of the outcast does not have a foothold.

I have preached repeatedly that I think the fourth commandment, to keep the Sabbath, is the most often disregarded of the 10 commandments. The 9th Commandment-"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16)- would seem a close second.

I am planning to be at the zoning hearing on Thursday October 18 at 7 p.m. at 100 Railroad Avenue in Elkton. I invite you to come and bear faithful witness, and stand in solidarity with God's most precious ones.

Appearances

2007-09-19T18:49:00.001-04:00

Raising a little girl who believes she is beautiful just the way God created her is challenging in our society. I know this. It is one of my goals that I shall do all in my power to enable my daughter to believe the truth, that she is lovely however she is, because she is God's.

Anne Lamott has a wonderful chapter on this in her new book, Grace (Eventually) that I am currently enjoying. She talks about the eyes being the window the soul...about how beauty is something that is believed and therefore evidenced in our eyes... regardless of what our appearance looks like as compared to fashion magazines.

But our culture is so appearance focused, that I dread the day that my daughter stops believing me when I say she looks great running out of school in a formal dress, with ripped stockings, and elastic head band sun glasses pushing half of her bangs off of her forehead. Truly, she looks so beautiful, so full of life and abandon. Is there anything more precious a sight than my daughter running toward me a smile of joy?

We try to keep our kids away from as much media garbage as possible, without total deprivation. We do this by allowing them to watch Public Television and Food TV. Disney channel only on the weekends, when Public TV doesn't run kids programs.

On Sunday morning, I was sitting in my office, printing my last draft of my sermon (my usual routine that I go over it one more time, then print). My freshly awake daughter was next to me on the sofa watching "The Wiggles" (after protesting she is much too old for the Wiggles now that she is 5...she agreed to suffer through it for a few more minutes). There was an entire segment about "General GoodBloke" who was coming for a visit. They listed off all of the reasons why General GoodBloke is such a good bloke. All of them had to do with his appearance! He has a coat with shiny buttons, shiny shoes, etc. I hardly remembered all that they said.

So I turned to my daughter and said "isn't that silly? How could they know if he is a good person by what he is wearing?" She giggled at the silliness, and heartily agreed with me.

As I sat there, I thought about how many more messages she must encounter in the course of the average week that tell her that appearances make all the difference. I am sure I counteracted just one of thousands she has already received.

I hope that a few counteractions make up for a few hundred of these messages. And I pray that my kids will know that no matter what, they are beautiful.

Ann Lamott

2007-09-08T18:13:00.000-04:00

Well, I just got a copy of Anne Lamott's new book, and I have read about four pages of the preface.... not bad for a few minutes at the dinner table while my son ate his noodles. I am looking forward to some time on Monday, my Sabbath, to really sit and enjoy it.

Anne Lamott is the kind of writer who made me want to blog. I want to be the kind of insightful, faithful, witty writer that she is when it comes to matters of faith. Clearly, I am nowhere close to that bar. Lately, I have not had my muse for blogging. Not quite sure what that is about. Perhaps reading this book will help me. I will either be inspired to continue with renewed vigor or give it up as a lost cause!

End of an Era

2007-08-21T16:10:00.000-04:00

Well, it is finally upon me. The day has come when my son has made the choice I dread. Given the choice of "want to snuggle with mommy or get right in your crib?" His reply is "git in my kib." My days of rocking my son to sleep are very very limited. Now they will be based on his whims, and soon he will completely done with rocking.

I knew this day was coming. It came even earlier with my first snuggle bug. Jacob is going to be 3 on Saturday. Shannon was 2 when she began arching her back and pointing to her crib when I would sit down to rock her.

We always talk about how fast these days go, when our children are small. I have done my best to heed these words of wisdom and treasure every snuggle, every moment in a rocking chair with my child's head resting just below my shoulder. And still I find myself with tears in my eyes as I write this. In 9 days time my five year old daughter will be climbing on a school bus and going to all day Kindergarten.

I have always tried to keep a right perspective on raising children. It will occupy about 20 years of my life. If I live to be 80, that is only one quarter of my days spent focused upon raising my kids, and there are many other ways of living and being that God calls me to, in addition to being a parent. My true identity is found in Christ, and my identity as a mother is one aspect of who God has called me to be.

But no matter how much perspective I try to claim, there is no denying the special sacredness that comes with being a mother of young children.

Virtues of an Inflatable Pool

2007-08-08T17:09:00.001-04:00

I have a confession to make: I am a swimming pool snob. I was raised in a planned community of dozens of housing developments, served by seven fabulous outdoor swimming pools. These were complete with concrete decks, chairs, bath houses, vending machines, and regular visits from the ice cream trucks. I spent my summers walking to one of the 2 pools nearest my home, and later bicycling to wherever my friends were meeting. I was playing in swimming pools that were all competitive length pools with diving boards, etc. One was even an Olympic length across. Later, as a teenager, I spent my summer life guarding and coaching a swim team.

I learned many valuable lessons from these summers and I have lots of very happy memories. I wouldn't change it.

But, this has also had a few negative consequences. One is that I have poor tolerance for a cloudy or poorly maintained swimming pool- public or private. The other is that I greatly prefer large, public sized pools to back yard pools, because in my mind, these are the only ones that are any fun. Isn't this awful? On top of this, I am serving in a county with no similar services. Even the YMCA has only an indoor pool.

So I have been adjusting to life without a swimming pool to which I am accustomed. And guess what I have discovered? The virtues of an inflatable back yard swimming pool.

As I write this, my children, ages 5 and 3, are playing happily and safely in an inflatable pool in my back yard. There are several advantages to this situation:
1. They can run all they want to and we don't have to tell them to stop
2. The water is nice and cold on a HOT summer day- it comes from our well and has not been sitting in the pool all summer
3. It is nice and clean- it 's easy to maintain without any chemicals!
4. I don't have to put on a bathing suit if I don't want to
5. If I do put on a suit, I don't have to be seen by anyone
6. The kids have fun jumping out of the pool, onto the swing set, and back again
7. The kids can leap and splash and not bother anyone else.
8. Inflatable = cheap (like $20 on sale cheap)
9. When the kids get tired, they can come right in, eat lunch, take a nap, whatever. And they get good and tired!
10. No real risk of drowning (slight, slight)... the adult on duty can do other things like hang out laundry or even sit in the AC and watch out the window.

So I say hooray for no access to a large swimming pool and the invention of the inflatable back yard pool. I think life really is a lot simpler than I let it be sometimes.

Vacation and Harry Potter

2007-07-25T10:13:00.000-04:00

I am home now from a week in South Bethany beach. The weather was almost all wonderful, and it was so great to relax. A week in South Bethany, with our family who generously host us, is always a week full of sand, sun, games, delicious food, and good conversation. What a blessing.

For me, it was also a week full of reading Harry Potter. I re-read the 5th and 6th books in the series in preparation for the new release. I have not typically been much of a re-reader, but I found that I really enjoyed it. Perhaps my reading habits will change a bit.

I finished the final book in the series last night. It was excellent. I was talking with a friend here in church, and she mentioned that there have been several local folks writing into the newspaper proclaiming that Rowling is going to hell, and generally decrying Harry Potter.

(Note: while I am not giving away the ending here, I am commenting on the themes, which could give you some pretty good guesses. If you have not yet read the book and plan to, you may not want to read the following paragraphs.)

I find this positively baffling. My suspicion (verified by some experience) is that many folks who "oppose" Harry Potter have not read any of the books. The series is full of Christian themes. These include serving others, sacrificing for the greater good, eschewing materialism, caring most about relationships with others, being willing to lay down your life for your friends, and battling sin and evil. In this last book, the references to the afterlife in heaven as well as sacrificial death are especially strong. Willingly dying so that others may live is at the heart of the gospel...there is no gospel without it. This theme is also at the heart of the Harry Potter book. There is no Harry Potter without it.

My befuddlement increases when I wonder why The Lord of the Rings and the Chronicles of Narnia (also chock full of Christian themes) get embraced by most Christians, while Harry Potter is shunned by so many. My fear is it is because too many of us are too easily led. If media hype and some key Christian voices give their blessing, it must be OK. If the opposite occurs, it must be bad.

At the heart of the Christian Reformation, which flowed out of the Enlightenment, was a rejection of the Church thinking for people. The Reformation championed several important ideas, two of which I find relevant now. First is reading the Scripture for oneself (sola scriptura) which says that Scripture is the foundation of Christian interpretation, and should be read and interpreted by the faithful in their native language. Second, there is the priesthood of all believers which says that we all have a direct line to the Spirit, no intermediate priest required.

If Protestants (those Christians who are not Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox) are to remain faithful to who we are, then we must take seriously our identity as people who study and discern the will of God together, believing the Holy Spirit is guiding us if we study in faith together. To be true to who we are, we must study the Scripture ourselves (together in community and alone...not just alone), and use our God given reason, experience, and our tradition, to come to conclusions. Simply taking the word of another without our own study and reflection does not bring us closer to God or into clearer understanding.

I think Christians have an opportunity to use Harry Potter as a way to study, grow, and reach out. It saddens me to think it will instead be used as an opportunity to condemn, shun, and generally turn people away from the love of Christ.

Nice home Mommy

2007-07-14T13:29:00.000-04:00

My almost three years old son Jacob has been making real strides in talking. He has been speech delayed, and this week the speech therapist was positively delighted with his progress after just 2 weeks time.

Some recent highlights of his learning to talk have included:
1. saying "bye bye my home" whenever Daddy pulls out of the driveway with the kids
2. spontaneously saying "nice day" after a fun day that concluded with dinner at his grandparents' home
3. receiving his Dad's compliment on how good he looked in his new Blue Rocks baseball cap by saying "oh yeah baby" (as he hears Emeril on FoodTV!)
4. and this morning, coming up with "nice home, Mommy" which he said several times this morning.

It is a nice home. We are blessed to live here. As I begin my fifth year of service in Chesapeake City, I can feel my roots growing stronger and deeper. I have now served here longer than any other church family. I keep telling folks that I hope to make it to double digits in number of years served.

I often hear God through repetition. When one theme presents itself multiple times from various sources, I try to pay attention. Lately, the idea of loving wherever I am, wholeheartedly, because God is here, has been speaking to my heart.

And so I say with my son Jacob: Nice home.

Perspective on Civil Rights

2007-07-07T09:24:00.000-04:00

This week I spent a week at Camp Pecometh, our Christian Camp in the Conference. I worked hard to try to get Middle School kids to study the Bible without falling asleep. For the most part, they were awake.

On Wednesday, the passage for the day was from the Sermon on the Plain in Luke 6. It is the passage where Jesus talks about loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you... one of the hard ones. One girl literally exclaimed out loud as she was reading. (She was awake!) It is shocking stuff to those who have never read it before.

Naturally, my attempt to keep them awake involved trying to relate the Scripture to every day life. The Campers were a fairly diverse lot; since the Civil Rights movement had this text at the backbone of the movement, I figured this was the way to go.

For the majority of kids, the Civil Rights movement was as relevant as WW2! I was shocked. You would have thought this was arcane history I was referring to. They tried valiantly to recall some details. Mostly, they succeeded in remembering Rosa Park and the bus boycott. Once that was on the table, the march on Washington came to mind. Then sometimes, they would know about the marches, beatings, fire hoses, and jail cells. But not always.

I still cry when I heard the voice of Martin Luther King, Jr. preaching, especially the "I Have a Dream" sermon. For years, I had the text of this sermon posted on my refrigerator (although lately children's art work has crowded it out). I think of how the Civil Rights movement to contributes to the lexicon of our society, our politics, our court decisions, our lives. Musical artists I love, most notably U2, have used the Civil Rights Movement as inspiration for lyrics. For me, it is living, breathing stuff. And I was not alive during the movement. I was born in 1971.

So I was shocked to learn that for these kids, it is just a chapter in history. As I think about the timing, I guess they are chronologically about as far away from the Civil Rights movement as I am from the Second World War. And that war always seemed like history that happened well before my time.

I am recovering from my shock, now that it has been a few days. And I am trying to convince myself that this has an upside. After all, the idea that segregation and racism are not a divisive, hate inspiring issue is progress. I remember as a child a local African American broadcaster giving an editorial and making the claim that once color is no longer an issue, and no longer in need of conversation and court decisions, we will have finally made it to the Promise Land. But we're not there yet, by any stretch of the imagination. I witness too many instances of racism to think otherwise. Honestly, I am hoping that by the time I am a grandmother we may be there. Time will tell.

Motherhood and Ministry

2007-06-26T16:43:00.001-04:00

I have not been blogging as actively, as you may have noticed. I do go through weeks where blogging once per week is about all I get to. This most recent stint has been due to pastoral care emergencies/ tragedies/crises. I have not spent this many concentrated hours in tears and prayer for such circumstances in a long time- perhaps ever.

Last night, I was at the hospital with a family and a friend of a woman who had nearly succeeded in her suicide attempt. After I got home around 11:15, I sat on the sofa with munchies watching TV, winding down. I did not get to sleep until after midnight. After a somewhat sleepless, allergy filled night, I awoke this morning to several hours of catching up on email work. By lunchtime, I was tired!

So, I treated myself to a nap. I got into bed and slept for two hours. It was heavenly.

God bless my children- they just want to be around me. My oldest is able to contain herself when she knows that I am asleep. Not so for my son. The minute Ray got on the telephone, he took advantage of his opportunity. He dashed into the bedroom...and began throwing up on me. Apparently, his mad dashing caused him to choke on a wheat thin. He flung open the door, ran over to me, and began wretching. Poor guy. He was sobbing. My sheets needed washing. I needed washing. He only needed a new shirt. Neat little guy he is.

So off we went to the bathroom. I just got into the tub because that was about all I had in me. Ray came in, fresh off the telephone, to report another tragedy. Yet as we sat there, in the bathtub, with me covered in regurgitated wheat thins, and my son in my lap, all I could do was laugh! God works in mysterious ways.

Motorcycle Tractor...

2007-06-15T16:48:00.000-04:00

There is an epidemic in Cecil County- of children riding four wheeled vehicles, without helmets, up and down our streets. Ever since we moved here, when Shannon was 15 months old, I would say to her as one rode past "you're never going to ride one of those." I now say it to both of them.

Kids in elementary and middle school ride these, without helmets, and without regard for traffic on the street. Several months ago, I watched a 9 year old boy (no helmet) come around the corner of his yard so fast, he went up on two wheels. I thought we were all about to witness his death. Turns out he rides like this all the time.

So you can imagine my inner joy when she began a sentence last week by saying "Mom, you know those things I'm never going to ride?" (She has now taken to calling them "motorcycle tractors") She then talked about how dangerous they are for kids, and how kids don't even wear helmets.

I am so enjoying this part of parenting where everything I say is taken to heart without resistance. How long does this last?

Honestly, I just can't understand why parents let their kids ride such things. Look at this kid in the picture... can she even ride a two wheeler?

Fisher Price and other toy companies sell these things! Ugh.

I was browsing the Internet and read again about how dangerous they are. "Currently, riders under the age of sixteen make up 33 percent of ATV deaths, according to the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC)" reads one article. The American Academy of Pediatrics officially recommends that children under 16 be prohibited from riding them. Between 1997 and 2001, in just two states, NC and PA, 70 children under 16 were killed. Apparently, helmets offer less than usual protection for these type of accidents, because very often the ATVs flip on top of persons, crushing them.

I'm trying to imagine being at the funeral for my own child, crushed by an ATV. The thought of my own child's funeral is horrible enough, but to think that I had in any way contributed to their death by failing to protect them would be perhaps more than I could bear.

I don't think of myself as terribly overprotective. I know life is full of risks, and that I cannot protect my children from everything. They need to learn how to live in this risk filled world. But there is a line between allowing them to explore the world with some measure of safety, and allowing them to take unnecessary risks.

I'm off...

2007-06-06T09:50:00.000-04:00

It is an absolutely beautiful spring day here in Maryland. What a gift that I am leaving for the beach this afternoon, to spend an evening with some church staff. Tomorrow, we have big plans to sit on the beach and do worship planning. How better to plan worship than to glory in God's creation as we prepare? (And perhaps how thoroughly distracting- but it sure sounds great, doesn't it?)

Then it is time for Annual Conference at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore (no beach there, unfortunately). Every June, pastors and other church folks from every church in our geographic region (Conference) get together for worship, ministry reporting, planning, and voting. This year has an added once in four years bonus- we will be voting for our delegates to General and Jurisdictional Conferences. General Conference is the international body that sets all of our "laws" and social stances, meeting in 2008 in Texas this time. Jurisdictional Conference is where Bishops are elected. All of the women Bishops in our Northeastern Jurisdiction (Maryland to New England) will be retiring this year; it will be a pivotal Conference. But then I guess they all are.

I'm really praying that Conference will be a blessing, and truly a time of "Holy Conferencing" as we Methodists like to talk about it.

Until next week....

Plan B

2007-06-02T20:48:00.001-04:00

No matter how much I work on my sermon during the week, I always finish it near the last minute. As I am finishing my sermon on Saturday night, I have come to some conclusions.

1. On Friday, as I was choosing to do other tasks instead of finishing my sermon, I became aware of one of my subconscious thoughts. "I know if I put off my sermon, it will still get done." So I think that my putting off finishing until the last minute is something of a warped attempt to put hours into the week!

2. I have decided to try, try, try to accept the reality that this seems to be part of my creative process. As I let it percolate all week, its brewing. It would seem that I need the time to let it simmer until it is forced out of me by a deadline. I am trying very hard to love this side of my creative process, but truth be told, I loathe it. Why, O why, is this process so impervious to my attempts to finish sooner?

3. I am so grateful to work with folks who are as comfortable as I am with last minute preparations. I am surrounded by such folks. Thanks be to God. As I was going over tech details with the tech lead for Jacob's Well tomorrow (that would be about 13 hours from now) she asked me about plan B if plan A for getting her the file via a two person delivery process doesn't flow. I told her I have a back up file here at the house, and my husband will bring it in the morning. Then she pointed out that plan B is usually me filling in, in some completely unplanned way, and we had a good laugh. I thought about the Sunday several months ago where I arrived to Jacob's Well to find the power in all of the Chesapeake City area was out. God took care of things just fine. I even received a note from someone who said how blessed they had been by that service in the dark with acoustic music and no visuals. God has such a sense of humor.

So here's to plan B. As I preach on Trinity Sunday, I do with the deep suspicion that the Holy Spirit is more about plan B than plan A anyway.

Turn of Phrase

2007-06-01T12:23:00.000-04:00

I read a blog post last week (by "gord") reflecting upon Pentecost and language. In it, he noted that language is always evolving and changing.

I notice this particularly in my favorite kind of colloquialisms- the kind my father uses. He uses expressions like:
I haven't seen one of those in a month of Sundays!
Tube steaks and whistle berries (referring to hot dogs and baked beans)
Take the old shoe leather express
Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades
Seeing through rose colored glasses
You let the cat out of the bag!
Strike while the iron is hot
Happier than a pig in mud
Take 40 winks
Uglier than a mud fence
The elevator doesn't go all the way to top
A few sandwiches short of a picnic
Dead as a door nail
There's more than one way to skin a cat
It seems to me that these sorts of expressions are a dying art, which makes me cherish them.

I have also been thinking about the power to remember great one liners. I would really like to add to my lexicon several great theological colloquialisms. I think pastors who are especially gifted at championing vision and mission in a local church tend to have this skill down. They have a set of phrases that repeatedly and effectively express fundamental truths.

So, I am compiling a list of great one-liners that I want to use often. Here goes:
1. God does not call the qualified. God qualifies the called.
2. There is no such thing as a perfect church...b/c churches are full of imperfect people
3. God did not create emotions so we can pretend like we don't have them. (I think that is my only original composition)
4. Grace received and not passed on loses its power (that's John Wesley, except he says "efficacy" instead of power)
5. Our fundamental Christian identity is "I am a baptized child of God"
6. The role of the pastor and leaders is to "equip the saints for the works of ministry" (Eph.4:12)
7. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness" (2Cor.12:9)
8. There can be no resurrection without death

That is my starting point. I would be interested to hear from others about favorite phrases that encapsulate Christian belief/doctrine/practice into a phrase that's easily heard and understood.

Mommy, I am glad you're a pastor

2007-05-29T15:18:00.000-04:00

My five year old daughter Shannon has taken to going with me to all three churches on Sunday morning. We have good Mommy-Shannon time, and she enjoys being with all the different folks. Most importantly, she enjoys the donuts, in duplicate or triplicate depending upon the day.

As we were leaving service #2 this past week, Shannon was asking me again about calling. She asked me if being a pastor is what God told me to do. I said (again) that this is what God has called me to do. Then she asked if I had to decide also. I told her yes, figuring out the path God wants for your life also means deciding to follow the path. I told her it's a process called "discernment" when a person tries to figure out what God wants them to do with their life, and then doing it.

As we got to the car she said "Mommy, I am glad you're a pastor." These words have been ringing in my heart ever since.

I asked her "because it's fun?" Shannon replied, "yes, it's fun. I think I want to be a pastor too."

This from the girl who last week asked me why I couldn't just stay home and please stop working.

I think most (perhaps all) pastors have a special anxiety about raising kids in the context of the local church. Pastor's Kids (PKs) are renowned throughout the generations for being rebellious, poorly adjusted kids who wither in the spotlight that is their life. Ok, this is a slight exaggeration. But the spotlight part does cause anxiety.

I was talking with a PK who is now a pastor around a dinner table a few weeks ago, and someone asked her for advice about raising children in the church. Her reply was that her parents rule was that church folks were not allowed to expect anything of the pastor's children that they would not expect of their own children. I think that is great advice, and I am planning to tuck it away for future teenage year use.

For now, I am basking in the fact that my daughter enjoys having a pastor for a mommy.

Chivalry

2007-05-26T19:54:00.000-04:00

For some reason, I have been thinking about having doors opened for me. Every so often, I find myself in an awkward situation.

In some cases, I am opening a door for a man and he is completely thrown off by my actions. I don't think about the "rules of chivalry" calling for the opposite unless the man is clearly feeling awkward. Otherwise, I just don't think about who opens a door for whom. I guess in my subconscious it's just the person with the easiest access to the door who opens it, and doors are only opened for others when it makes logistical sense. Otherwise, I think I operate under the assumption that everyone opens their own doors. Nor do I give much conscious thought to which gender proceeds through a doorway first. Again, it's a matter of happenstance and logistics.

I hold doors for folks behind me, and expect likewise, regardless of gender, if the distance between me and the other person would mean that someone would have a door closing in their face if it were not being held.

In other cases, I find myself feeling awkward when a stranger, or someone I have perhaps just been introduced to, opens a door for me. I do project onto these folks a sense of distance and condescension. This is not because I consciously believe that is what is intended. I am just so accustomed to doing my own thing, and I guess somewhere along the way, I have internalized a message that men holding doors for women is rooted in the belief that women need such assistance.

The exception to all of this is that my husband holds doors for me, especially if we are out by ourselves on anything resembling a date. I have to think hard about it, but I am pretty sure my father holds doors for me too.

So here is my conclusion: I am uncomfortable with people holding doors for me unless the person is my husband or father. I think this is mostly because this is what I am used to, and so now, holding a door open feels to me like an intimate action.

Otherwise, I don't want doors opened or held for me unless it would be rude not to hold the door. I don't like anyone else going out of their way to open a door for me- it just doesn't feel right.

I have never had conscious thought about this until recently, and I can't even remember what sparked this. It's not that I have consciously made decisions based on "women's lib" conversations that pre-date me. I think it's just the sense I developed without giving it much thought (until now).

I wonder what the rest of the world thinks about such things (or if it is worth any brain power at all!)

Family

2007-05-24T21:08:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I just sit back and feel amazed at the people God sends to be a part of the community of faith I am blessed to serve as pastor. So many fabulous, faithful, loving people. It is so awesome to be a part of community that feels to me to be getting stronger and tighter with each passing month.

Case in point: I received an email from a member of our community who also teaches at our Preschool. Her son goes to the nearby Middle School and requires transportation to attend this school, because it is outside of his home district.

Our youth director picked him up from school and brought him to church to be helpful to the mom. As they were driving home, the mom commented to her son "that I felt really blessed to have people that are so generous with their time and energy that benefits me."

The son replied "You mean our church family?"

Mom's comment was "yeah, I guess that sounds kind of hokey, doesn't it?"

And the son said, "well, they certainly do ACT like family"

The mom told me it made her smile. It made me smile too.

I am preparing to preach on Acts 2 this Sunday. It is Pentecost Sunday and it is time to hear the story of the Holy Spirit forming the early believers into the early church. The book of Acts has community that acts like family as a central theme. As one of my friends recently commented this book in the Bible is titled "Acts of the Apostles" but it would be more appropriate to title it "Acts of the Holy Spirit."

How true.

Laughter

2007-05-16T11:19:00.000-04:00

Tuesdays are always a difficult. I generally rest well on Mondays, and put off most/all thoughts of "work" on that day. I am trying to live into Sabbath, trusting God in meaningful ways.

But Tuesday, my thoughts turn to my unending to do list. As I said, I am still living into Sabbath. One of the things I am still trying to do is keep from being a work-a-holic the rest of the week. After all, I'm not really trusting God if I only trust for one day, and then work the rest of the week like everything is up to me. Clearly, it is not!

At the conference in Indianapolis last week, one pastor had reflected, "like the poor, to do lists are always with us." Yesterday felt especially draining. I went home at 4:30 to spend time with my family because I was out of energy and had a 6:30 meeting. As I sat in my chair at 6:10, I found myself wondering if I was getting sick. That set off a new stream of thought and mild anxiety about my to do list.

But then we had our meeting. It happened to be a Jacob' s Well leadership team meeting. We laughed- a lot. As we discussed the items on our agenda, laughter seemed to fill us at every turn.

By the time the meeting was over, my headache was gone, and the weight of exhaustion had lifted. What a gift.

Journey

2007-05-15T13:46:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting conversation about "journey" language. Two clergy colleagues were talking about why they dislike this language. One simply because he abhors buzz words, a trait he inherited from his mother. She ranted one day that everywhere she goes, she is told she on a journey... in her faith, in her job, at Weight Watchers, everywhere. "I have a life, not a journey!"

I have always thought of journey language as a great way to describe the spiritual life because it puts emphasis on the present moment, and the process, rather than upon arriving somewhere. When I say the life of faith is a journey, I mean that I expect it will always be a journey with Christ.

The other person in the conversation interprets journey language in the opposite way- since a journey implies a destination, she hears it as implying that right now is not so important and arriving somewhere else is what life is all about....which is of course not what the life of faith is all about. And I agree.

Interesting how we both largely agree that emphasizing arriving somewhere else devalues the spiritual life... and yet use different language to emphasize this. Language is such tricky and important stuff.

We also realized that part of our difference does stem from our different faith traditions. Her Lutheran tradition emphasizes justifying grace- the grace that brings us to faith in Christ. My Wesleyan/Methodist heritage emphasizes sanctifying grace as much or more than justifying grace.

In fact, the emphasis on sanctifying grace, also known as Christian Perfection, is one of the significant contributions of Methodism to the Christian conversation. This is the doctrine that teaches that it as least possible for God to so sanctify a disciple so that the disciple becomes able to love as Christ loves...to be made perfect in love.

One of the questions asked of me when I was ordained was "do you believe that you are going onto perfection?" and my reply was "by the grace of God, I do so believe."

So even though I am loathe to devalue the present moment, for that is the only moment in which God is present to me right now, I do have a sense of growing and changing along the way. I do earnestly look forward to being more like Christ, and try to match my will to God's through spiritual practices.

I would never want to devalue the present for a "grass is always greener" mentality that is so much a part of the consumerist culture.

Yet for me, journey language accomplishes both the task of communicating that life is a daily experience to cherish and a process of growing and changing along the way.

Friends

2007-05-11T16:47:00.000-04:00

I have been in Indianapolis, IN for four days this week. I was at a young clergy conference that actually made me feel a bit old. At 35, I was one of the eldest in attendance, and I knew only two people upon arriving. Interesting experience. It was instructive to remember what it is like to be in a community in which I am not an insider who knows everyone.

I thought a lot about relationships, friendships, colleagues, etc. One of foundational assumptions of the group is that clergy need to establish healthful, supportive groups of folks beyond the local church. I'm told this makes a huge difference in the health and effectiveness of clergy.

I spent time agonizing over whether I have enough friends, and whether there is something wrong with me that my friends always seem to come in seasons. I don't maintain friendships that last from high school or college (despite my efforts in the past). I have one friend I try keep in contact with from Seminary. We have good years and bad years. After two years of gathering with a cohort of clergy in the Lewis Fellowship (which is why I was at this most recent conference- as a followup to that program) I don't know how many of these relationships will last for the long term either. We are all over the country.

I discovered that I was being rather closed to the experience of meeting folks at this conference because I doubt whether it's worth the effort.

Then, at closing worship, I realized something really important. I am not trusting God enough to provide for my relational needs. If I need friends beyond the local church in order to be effective in the local church, then surely God will (continue to) provide such relationships! This seems really obvious to write, but it was hugely empowering to recognize. So, hopefully, I can stop grieving my apparent inability to maintain friendships over years and distances, and start looking for how God is working in my life and friendships now.

Failures

2007-04-26T08:45:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about "failures" lately. It has been coming up a lot in the past few weeks (which often means it's the Spirit).

Last week, I met a woman who had been the pastor of a new church start in Miami. When she arrived, it had been struggling for its first five years of existence. In the two years in which she served as pastor, it became a recovery ministry, reaching people struggling with addiction. Through this ministry, lives were literally and spiritually saved- people have been transformed. But because of its history and funding circumstances, it could not become a self supporting church in the two years she served. So it is being grafted together with another church family. It has been a work of the Spirit for all involved. The receiving church has been re-energized and the new church folks continue to be in vital recovery ministry.

She commented to me that in traditional terms, the new church was considered a "failure". I told her I struggle with that concept. Who is to say that a ministry which touches lives so deeply is a failure because it does not fit a standard definition?

Later the same week, I made a presentation about how God is working in our church family, especially as it relates to Jacob's Well. I commented that during launch and continuing to the present, I often feel unsure of how to accomplish things. I trust completely in the Spirit and in our gathered team to accomplish what God set before us, while being as informed and faithful as I know how to be. But it never feels like enough. This keeps me clear about who is really doing all of this- God.

One of the people there commented to me afterwards that this was the most encouraging thing I said- it was a relief to know I was no "expert" but someone striving and learning faithfully. (As a side note, I think this is why church workshops can be so discouraging. The presenters always come off as always having everything together and on the ball. Surely that cannot be true for the vast majority of us?)

Then I had a conversation with a friend on Saturday. I talked about how I spend most of my time feeling like we are teetering on the edge of a cliff. The Spirit has not let us fall yet. I also talked about how I think "failures" (world's definition) have been the fertile soil of God's most significant work. She commented she was very relieved to hear that.

If our church family had not had a Saturday night service that lasted a few years, and then a Sunday night prayer and praise service for a few years, I don't think Jacob's Well would have been launched. It was in the soil of those ministries in which Jacob's Well took root. They were not failures, but rather ministries that lasted a season. They were one of the many ways the soil was prepared for new growth.

In 2004, our church family went through the process of trying to buy land on Route 213. The seller refused to sell to us because of the amount of time it would take for perk tests and zoning requests. I know now that it was not God's timing to buy that parcel. Within six months of the sale falling through, God raised up a person who owns more land on 213. She would find total joy in selling us her land. I pray that God will bring this to fruition sometime in the future.

Also, we are now beginning conversation about having a Blended Parish Ministry structure for Town Point, Trinity, and Jacob's Well. If this is how God is moving, we would become unified in membership, administrative structure, and finances....one church with three locations. Some of the seeds of these possibilities were planted in the "failure" to acquire the land in 2004.

Finally, I think about how we voted at Town Point to not host the rotating homeless shelter there. God then used so many of us across the Charge, on all sides of the issue, to serve the homeless in other ways...at the Generation Station, at St. Paul's, at Trinity, and in relationship with folks regardless of where the shelter was hosted on a given week. In the seeds of that very difficult time, God nurtured existing seeds and planted new seeds for tremendous ministry among the homeless.

I don't yet know what the future will bring. I am certain that whatever the outcome, God will use it for God's purpose.

I am reminded of a phrase that was on our front sign for a few weeks: "Nothing that is done for God is ever lost."

I am also reminded of one of my favorite passages from the books of Acts, which came up in the lectionary a few weeks ago. It is the account of the apostles being brought before the council and persecuted for preaching about Jesus. The council was debating how to proceed, and one of their leaders said this:
But a Pharisee in the council named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, respected by all the people, stood up and ordered the men to be put outside for a short time. Then he said to them, ‘Fellow Israelites, consider carefully what you propose to do to these men. For some time ago Theudas rose up, claiming to be somebody, and a number of men, about four hundred, joined him; but he was killed, and all who followed him were dispersed and disappeared. After him Judas the Galilean rose up at the time of the census and got people to follow him; he also perished, and all who followed him were scattered. So in the present case, I tell you, keep away from these men and let them alone; because if this plan or this undertaking is of human origin, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them—in that case you may even be found fighting against God!’
Acts 4:34-39

Music

2007-04-21T20:28:00.000-04:00

Today, I went to Seaford, DE to be a part of a workshop on worship. I was not scheduled to arrive until the first third of the event was over. When I arrived, I asked the host pastor how the first part of the day had gone; it had been their contemporary worship service. He said it had been good, with the exception of one difficult person who had asked a question about contemporary praise music lacking the good theology of hymns.

Hind sight being what it is, I have found myself wishing I had been there for that part of the discussion. I agree with the person asking the question: our hymns have much better theology than most (though not all) praise music. As one of my friends said later, there is a reason it is called "7-11" music: it is 7 words repeated 11 times. But he and I both still love it.

I come out of a contemporary church and I have come to deeply love traditional music too. But when it comes to sheer emotion, experiencing the joy of singing my heart out to God, praise music is what makes my heart sing most often.

I don't think this has anything to do with the inherent nature of praise music in a rock style, or classical music of many hymns. It is simply about the style I have listened to most. Because for me that happens to be praise/rock style, I am more likely to experience soaring joy while singing the style of music with which I am most familiar. (I also experience it singing many hymns.)

I am thinking about a boy I dated in High School. He loved Led Zepplin. I was less than enthused. He shared with me his theory that any human being could come to love any style of music, if they listened to it frequently enough. I think he is right! Led Zepplin grew on me and to this day I like it. Had I not dated him and listened to it just about every moment we were together, I don't think that would be the case. A similar thing has happened for me with hymns- many of them I adore because they help me feel God's presence.

Worship music is about connecting with God on an experiential level. It does also accomplish theological teaching, but that is not why people love to sing. People love to sing because it is a window into the Divine. I don't think that aspect of music should be under valued for the sake of theology because there are other ways to teach theology.

That said, couldn't we have our cake and eat it too? I am United Methodist, so Charles Wesley is the premier hymn writer of my tradition. His hymns, both the ones in the hymnal and the hundreds more not published there but otherwise available, were often set to the contemporary music of his day: bar tunes. This was done to accomplish the same goal of contemporary worship- to help people experience God by speaking in the language of the people. And the theology is truly outstanding.

Couldn't we find a gifted musician to set Charles Wesley hymn texts, perhaps somewhat adapted, to modern rock music? I think it could be awesome.

Easter

2007-04-17T22:43:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter!

Yes, I know, we celebrated on April 8. But I am on a personal crusade to remind/teach the world that Easter is actually 50 days long.

So, that means that my Easter reflections are...right on time.

Holy Week and Easter were quite a blessing. (The week following, I took it easy, hence, no blogging.) The Maundy Thursday worship, with the drama focused on Mary the Mother of Jesus after the crucifixion was amazing. God really used Marian Harvey especially. The Saturday night Easter vigil was also tremendous. There were more than 70 folks gathered together for the "passover" of Jesus from death to life. We began outside with the fire, moved inside for scripture at stations, then onto the Commitment to Christian Community by the first folks to join Jacob's Well, and finally communion, prayer, and baptism remembrance stations with anointing. But we were still not done. We had a special offering for JuJu, our worship leader at Jacob's Well, who needed help getting back to South Africa. God provided $1,000...and an amazing song. JuJu wrote this:

Jacob's Well

Verse 1:
We came in hurt, we were all lost,
but you paid the cost
For all the wrong that we had done
you sacrificed your Son
And as we gather in this place
you fill us with your grace and love
O we need your Spirit Lord
It's our prayer, we ask in one accord

Chorus:
O this is our cry Lord,Love
So this is our prayer Lord, More
It's the place where hearts become restored
Our sins at the altar Lord we lay
Close to you is where we want to stay
In your presence we all want to dwell
Lord we pray, fill up Jacob's Well

Verse 2:
Our lives and love we give to you
Your Spirit helps us through
And in your arms we want to stay
Each and every day
So take this offering of of praise
It is from our hearts and souls
We still need your Spirit Lord
It's our prayer, we ask in one accord

Bridge:
As we gather here, we open our doors
May the weak and hurt find peace inside these walls
And as a family we stand tall and we proclaim
This church will not be shaken
We stand in Jesus' name

He recorded it at Ross and Gina's house (thank you God) and it has been stuck in my head since Easter.

What an amazing blessing to watch God work in our Church family...it's hard to believe that Jacob's Well is now a year old.

Mommy, can we....

2007-04-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

"Mommy, can we have family Bible study after you put Jacob to bed?"

These are the words of my daughter. She is almost five years old. Times like these make me want to pinch myself and be sure I am really living this life, being her mother. I truly believe that God has given me a precious, amazing gift in Shannon. She seems hardwired to want to learn about God, and to be as loving and good as any child her age is capable of being.

Honestly, her words put me to shame that she has to request such things of me. We always pray at night before bed, and at meal time. We have several children's Bibles she regularly moves among for story time. But our family Bible study and prayer time is sporadic at best. I am resolving to do better.

Two children's class leaders at church have commented to me in the past two weeks that Shannon has been so talkative in class discussion time. I give most all of the credit to our Sunday School. She really soaks up the stories in there.

Today, when I came home, she was playing "funeral" asking what words she needs to say to begin the funeral service.

I am beginning to suspect that God is up to something here... as hard as I try not to imagine my children's future for them, believing that is up to God to reveal to them... it's hard not to imagine that God has something ministry related planned for this child.

A Prayer for Holy Week

2007-04-02T15:09:00.000-04:00

I just saw this on the revgalblogpals blog and found it so moving,
that I am sharing it here too.

Lord Jesus Christ,
in this sacred and solemn week
when we see again the depth and mystery of your redeeming love,
help us to follow where you go,
to stop where you stumble,
to listen when you cry,
to hurt as you suffer,
to bow our heads in sorrow as you die,
so that, when you are raised to life again,
we may share in your endless joy.
Amen.

(from the United Church of Canada worship resource, "Celebrating God's Presence" UCPH, 2000)

Preaching

2007-03-29T11:40:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking about preaching. I began preaching in 1997, at first once per month. Then in 1998, I was appointed to serve as a pastor of two small churches. The challenge of preaching every week while in Seminary was intense. I have always had appreciation for the power of story, so the search for illustrations was my most time consuming.

I still remember one particular morning when there was a visitor in the African American church I was serving. As she left, she commented "I enjoyed your story this morning." I know she meant it as a compliment. But I also knew that especially in the Black Church tradition, the question before every preacher is always "is there a Word from the Lord this morning?" She was also telling me that while I may have shared a nice story, it had not been a Word from the Lord for her. It had been a story, not a sermon. And she was right.

As I continued to work through preparing sermons and trying to be open to God giving me the ability to preach better, I began to feel better about my preaching. I have always had a heart for sermons that are down to earth, because I remember well what it is like to be a new comer in church and how important it is for preaching to be accessible.

The next major marker in my preaching history came in 1999. It also happened in the Black Church tradition. I was to be a part of a Martin Luther King, Jr. worship celebration. The pastor of the host church had been given free reign by most other clergy to just plug us in anywhere and we would be glad to serve. I expected to read Scripture or pray or something along those lines. Imagine my surprise when I walked in and saw in the order of worship that each clergy person was invited to give "remarks." For a preacher in this tradition, that meant preaching. (The host pastor was being respectful of each clergy person gathered.)

I prayed hard. I asked God to give me something to say. Such things have a way of getting longer with each person's remarks, and I was in the middle of the line up. I still don't remember what it is that the Spirit gave me to say. But I do remember that Scripture as well as stories from my devotional book flowed through my mind and out of my mouth. We, the gathered community, connected with each other and with the Spirit in a powerful way.

After that worship service, I came to this conclusion: if God can do that on a moments notice, then surely God can enable me to preach from an outline and not from a written manuscript. So I began taking more risks. On this journey, God has taken me from a nervous, manuscript reading preacher to an outline/very little notes preacher. On the way, I have discovered that the connection among the gathered community and the Holy Spirit feels more palpable.

I know that preaching in a way that feels conversational helps open us more deeply to what God has to say. I also know that God is able to accomplish such things.

So here is what I am wondering: do sermons in conversational style connect more deeply because there is an underlying assumption about authenticity? That if a sermon just "flows out of a person" it somehow communicates, subconsciously I think, that the preacher really believes/experiences what is being preached?

I ask this not because I think only preachers who don't use a manuscript have something authentic to communicate. That is patently false- when I used a manuscript I desperately wanted to share well from my heart. But I do think the medium of sermon delivery communicates in conjunction with the sermon itself.

Suffering

2007-03-28T14:36:00.000-04:00

Wednesday morning BS (Bible Study) is such a blessing to me. This is the study in which I get to spend an hour (or more) studying the Scriptures for the coming Sunday with folks in our church family. God does a lot of heavy lifting most weeks- this is the riverbed through which my sermon flows.

It never ceases to amaze me how God can draw us to aspects of a passage we had never noticed in the past. Today we read the passion story in Luke 22-23, in preparation for Palm/Passion Sunday. None of us had remembered that Jesus was visited by angel in the Garden of the Gethsemane as he prayed for the Father to take this cup from him (Luke 22:43). It appears only in Luke, we discovered. Interesting that even after the angel strengthens Jesus, he prays even harder for the cup to pass from him!

We talked about the meaning of the crucifixion in our own experiences. I shared about my experience of the stations of the cross, with all of the kneeling, standing, and genuflecting, making me realize it was literally the least I could do in response to Jesus' death for me.

Another member shared about her experience of having to be willing to go to the cross, to be willing to bear the cross of suffering, and discovering in the midst of suffering the true depth of joy and assurance that flows from such an experience.

This has me thinking about suffering. I don't spend enough time reflecting on Christ's suffering. When I was first coming to faith over a decade ago, I was not at all comfortable with the idea of Christ suffering for me. But as I have grown in my experiences, I am discovering the comfort that comes from knowing that suffering is part of the journey, and it is redeemed by God in Christ. It is in truth unavoidable, and strangely, a tremendous blessing. For it is in suffering that we draw nearer to Christ, and discover the depth, strength, and peace of God's presence.

We continued the conversation talking about how common it is for people to draw closer to Christ in hard times. When things are going "well" by our definition, we are far less likely to rely on him alone. It is when things are beyond our control that we are most likely to trust and pray the hardest.

The phrase "downward mobility" came to mind. Nowhere does Jesus encourage his followers to try to accumulate wealth, move up to a bigger home, buy nice cars, and generally try to live the American Dream. There are plenty of times Jesus says things like encouraging his followers to give all they have to the poor, spend time with the poor, and take nothing but the clothes on their backs when going out in Jesus' name.

I think that voluntary suffering (downward mobility) can bring us close to Christ in much the same way that involuntary suffering can. I even think that perhaps those who don't choose the way of voluntary suffering are more likely to experience involuntary suffering as radically life altering crisis....not necessarily because God is "sending them suffering" but because any amount of suffering that comes into a life bent upon avoiding it feels radically life altering. When we choose the way of suffering, which is always a part of the way of following Jesus, we discover the grace that supports and sustains all of life.

So, my learning from Scripture today is that I am going to work on treasuring my suffering, real and perceived, as an opportunity to draw nearer to Christ, and to trust.

Apologizing

2007-03-22T16:01:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had the privilege of preaching at St. Rose of Lima Roman Catholic Church. I was truly honored to be invited to preach there. I came to some varied realizations during worship.

As we went through the Stations of the Cross Liturgy, standing, genuflecting, standing, kneeling, standing, changing direction of standing, and starting the process over again, I came to this realization: Roman Catholics must have great thigh muscles! That, and they have a deeper appreciation for the role of suffering in daily life...all of the genuflecting and kneeling honestly got me thinking about this being the very very least I could in response to Jesus death on the cross.

The second realization came I stood to read Scripture and then preach: I don't know how to appropriately read Gospel lessons in a Catholic church. I know in that setting it involves crossing myself with the congregation, and that other things are involved. That is all I know. So when I turned to the gospel and this suddenly dawned on me, I turned to the deacon and congregation and said "I know there is an appropriate way to read the gospel in the Roman Catholic tradition with which I am unfamiliar. I'm sorry." The deacon waved his hand as a way of saying "don't worry about it" and I led us in the Gospel as I always do: asking people to honor Christ by standing for the reading and closing with "this is the Word of the Lord" to which all reply "Thanks be to God."

That night, I preached using insights and reflections from Barbara Brown Taylor's book Speaking of Sin: The Lost Language of Salvation. I really like this book. I have picked it up more than once. It talks of sin as being language of hope, for in confession we claim both our own responsibility for the sin and confess our hopefulness that between us and the Spirit there is forgiveness and the possibility for real change. This is at the heart of being transformed by God.

She also talks about the process being confession of sin, pardon/forgiveness, penance, and restoration to community. After the confession and pardon, we do penance, which is our ancient way of "making things right." Brown Taylor argues that penance was an abused concept at the time of the Reformation, but that it was thrown out as a baby with the bathwater when Protestants abandoned the idea. (I enjoyed laughing with folks about a United Methodist pastor preaching in a Catholic church about penance.) So penance is doing things like going back and apologizing for hurtful words, or going back to weed a garden you stole vegetables from, or going out into ministry among the poor if the sin is avoiding God's most precious ones (the poor). Penance is about concrete action to make things right again, not guilt. It as after this has been done that there is the possibility of restoration to community.

She also writes that guilt is the price we are willing to pay in order avoid any actual changes. I think she is so right. She makes the claim that there is a belief within many of us who think "if I just feel guilty enough about doing it, I can keep doing it and keep being forgiven for it." But without penance, a change of behavior, God cannot restore and reconcile us to God and to others. We are cut off from our source of life and remain trapped in our sin.

Finally, my last insight from worship came when, after worship, one man said to me "you don't hear many people apologize these days. Hardly ever hear a person say I'm sorry." It took me several moments to realize he must have been referring to my comment preceding the gospel lesson, apologizing for my lack of familiarity with their tradition. What this reminded me of was something I learned in the first church in which I was appointed. I followed a pastor who did not make any mistakes. The effect on that community of faith when I would say "I'm sorry" was amazing. It was my first year as a pastor on my own. I made LOTS of mistakes. But saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me" followed by earnest attempts to make things right knit us together in amazing ways.

(Maybe this only works in communities of faith, but I have fantasies about what it would like if instead of saying things like "mistake were made," our political leaders would take this learning about the power of actually apologizing to heart....I honestly think it could be transformative. But then again, I believe some pretty incredible stuff, like the resurrection for example...)

United by the Cross...

2007-03-17T19:24:00.000-04:00

My husband Ray and I travelled to Washington D.C. yesterday for the Christian Peace Witness for Iraq. The theme is "United by the Cross to End the War."

We gathered with hundreds of others at New York Ave. Presbyterian to worship in simulcast with the thousands at the National Cathedral. The worship was outstanding. One of the first speakers was Celeste Zappala, a United Methodist from FirstUMC Germantown (outside of Philadelphia). Her eldest son Sherwood was a member of the PA Guard, and he was killed in Iraq in 2004 protecting those who were searching for non-existent weapons of mass destruction. Her description of opening the door to a decorated soldier the night she was notified of Sherwood's death was heart rending. I can imagine myself collapsing and screaming as she did. She spoke of her son's vocation as a social worker, his love for his wife and his young son, and how proud she had always been to be his mother. More than 3200 U.S. soldiers have died in this war; Sherwood was among the first 1,000.

She spoke of her faith, and she said something that settled deep in my heart. "O God, war is a failure to love you enough." I came away from the night more deeply convicted that peace is not the easy way out; it is the far more difficult path. It means loving God deeply, strongly, passionately enough to love even our enemies. It means loving God so much that we are willing to see God's image in the face of each person. To consider violence to be not a solution but a sin requires deep, deep love and trust of our Lord.

Christians have two (orthodox) options when it comes to war. They are pacifism and just war theory. Pacifism was the only option for Christians in the first three centuries of Christianity. Jesus' commands to love enemies was taken quite literally, and still is today by many Christians. St. Augustine developed just war theory as the Roman Empire fell. I previously blogged about just war; you may click here to read about these Christian criteria for going to war.

There's just no way around this: the war in Iraq does not meet any orthodox Christian standard for going to war.

So now, more than 3200 U.S. soldiers are dead, and there is no way to estimate how many Iraqi's have died, but the numbers we heard last night were between 500,000-600,000 people. We heard stories from an Iraqi nun, and readings from others in Iraq about going to morgue's to identify loved ones. We heard about how there is hardly a family in Iraq who has not lost someone, if not a family member, a close friend.

I kept thinking about how ridiculous it is that I can choose whether or not to be aware of the death, horror, and destruction that is being wrought with my tax dollars. I try to imagine living and ministering in a context in which every person I know is grieving the death of someone they love; in which every person knows child(ren) who have died because of this awful war. It is heart wrenching beyond words.

The depth of my sorrow for the loss of life on all sides seems beyond expression. The depth of my anger with my government for failing us so miserably, and allowing this killing to happen in my name brings me more shame than I can bear.

Which is why the the phrase "United by the Cross to the End the War" held such meaning for me. I know that Jesus is bearing all of the sorrow, anger, and shame. Words from Scripture like "perfect love casts out fear" settled into my spirit. The passage from Romans 5:1-5 was quoted by Rev. Powell Jackson:

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.

I follow One so committed to love and peace, that he chose to die on a cross rather than lead his people into violence. His followers believed that as Messiah, he was the one to finally free them from foreign domination. They expected Jesus to lead a great armed resistance to the Romans. But that was not God's path. God's path was to be so loving, so vulnerable, so unwilling to use violence, that Jesus died on a criminal's cross... and it is from the Cross of Christ that hope, love, and redemption flow. "United by the Cross to End the War."

This is the only source of my hope. I have no hope that our government is going to act anytime soon. I have no hope that violence and terror are going to end because of the policies of my government or anybody else's. But I do have hope and faith in Christ.

Mayonnaise = Spring

2007-03-13T09:44:00.000-04:00

I made broccoli salad again yesterday. In fact, I had to buy more mayonnaise and miracle whip at the store, because I have made broccoli salad so many times in the past month. I also got a craving for potato salad from The Glass Kitchen, so I stopped there on my way home and picked up a quart.

All of this means one thing for certain: Spring is coming. I can go almost entirely without mayonnaise through winter. I don't necessarily eat much of it in the fall either. (The exceptions would be a church dinners.) When I do eat sandwiches, it is very often without mayo.

But in salads....well that is where the mayo gets heavy. I find that salads like potato, broccoli, macaroni, pasta, etc., etc., etc., are really spring and summer dishes.

Everyone has their own indicators that Spring is coming. Mine can be measured by a mayonnaise jar.

Rule Following

2007-03-10T14:53:00.000-05:00

Before my husband and I had children, and we would admire adorable children, I would tease him by saying "it's a shame our children will never that cute." I would say this because I was a very difficult child by temperament. I was stubborn, willfully disobedient almost from birth, and I had an opinion about everything. In my teenage years, one of the greatest gift my parents gave me was they forced me to learn how to deal with my temper in appropriate ways. I expected our children would have at least some of my childhood traits.

My daughter continues to amaze me. At age four, she remains a natural rule follower. Being devious, sneaky, or otherwise circumventing the rules seldom occurs to her. If it does, it is almost always because another child has given her an idea.

Case in point: she is transitioning from nap time to rest time. The rule has been that on rest days, she has to spend an hour in her bed, doing quiet activities like looking at books, playing with stuffed animals, etc. If she feels tired, she'll go ahead and lie down for a nap. Afterward, she'll say "I was going to take rest time, but my body told me it wanted it a nap, so I went to sleep."

Today, she was having a hard time deciding what to bring into her bed, and she was looking longingly at her doll house. I told her she could play quietly in her room. With shock she said "I can be out of my bed?!?"

Getting out of bed had not even entered her mind as a possibility. If it had been me, I think I would have snuck out of bed and played with the dollhouse long ago. I remember being in elementary school and sneaking a flashlight into bed so I could continue reading my books.. and sitting on the foot of the stairs long after bed time, listening to the television my parents were watching.

God has blessed me with a child who teaches me about having a covenant written on her heart. (and she takes after my husband...)

The Perfect Program....

2007-03-01T17:11:00.000-05:00

Today, Megan (Youth director) and Maura (Preschool director) went to New Jersey for the funeral of our Administrator's father. It was a good day of bonding for us as a staff...that sort of things happens when driving 110 miles together, worshipping together, and eating together.

As we were driving home, Megan was talking about something she had read. Ben Franklin or some similar great thinker and inventor had an unusual sleep pattern. He would sleep in small stretches. For naps, he would deliberately sleep with an open book in his hands, and when he would fall deeply asleep, it would fall off of his lap, and wake him. The dreams he thus remembered using this method were the source of much of his inspiration.

We laughed about this might be interesting to try, but also the waste of a good nap.

Since my immune system has been fighting something this week, I was wiped out by the time we got home. I went home to take a nap.

You guessed it- I awoke in the middle of my nap with the perfect idea: the way to end worrying. It was a beautiful plan. It had four parts...it involved small groups. I sat up in bed thinking, "I should write this down! ....but then I would awake from this great nap!" As you can guess, sleep won the day.

But then I had a dream that I really did write it all down. The plan was even better in this dream. Then I awoke again, realized what was going on, and still did not get up. I had forgotten that I had a pen and paper by my bedside.

So, the world will have to go on worrying, I guess. The memory that it was so enormously clever it just might work, had four parts, and involved small groups is all that is left in my memory (despite assurances to myself that I would remember it all when I awoke...after all, who could forget such an amazing idea?)

Looks like I missed the opportunity of a lifetime to provide a solution. But I had a great nap.

Second Chance

2007-02-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

Tonight, we had a movie night. Since Jacob's Well uses the High School auditorium, we decided it would be fun to make good use of the movie theater style seating, screen, and projector. We had dinner, dessert, popcorn, and candy. The worship band rehearsed/played for us. Then we watched a movie called Second Chance.

It has Michael W. Smith as a lead character, and it is about how his church planting father sends him to "observe and learn" in an inner city church plant that had been part of the father's early ministry and remained part of the overall organization as a mission outpost.

I was surprised by how well done it was. It seemed a bit long. But it really did a good job of raising questions about the nature of church, and what ministry really means. It was a not so subtle critique of suburban (white, wealthy) church losing its focus on the mission and turning insular. Basically, Smith's character loses his blinders and comes to see the "hood" as the place where Christ is present...among all of the drugs and violence is risky, selfless love.

It seems from where I sit, that Protestant Christianity is re-examining what it means to be church, and what really matters. How appropriate that tomorrow's gospel lesson is the temptation of Jesus. Luke's account in chapter 4 says that he was led into the wilderness by the Spirit. There he was tempted by the devil to turn stones into bread (to which Jesus replied "One does not live by bread alone"). Then he was tempted to have authority over all the kingdoms of the world (to which Jesus replied "Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him"). Finally, the devil used verses of Scripture to tempt Jesus to throw himself down from a high pinnacle and prove God's protection (to which Jesus replied "Do not put the Lord your God to the test")

One of the important ways Jesus survived the temptations was by remaining focused on his mission, his purpose, and focused on God. Also, the wilderness formed him into the person he was created to be. It was after this wilderness time that he began preaching. His first sermon? "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Between the movie and the Scripture for tomorrow, the message I see is that keeping focused is vitally important...and that focus has a lot to do with the poor, captives, blind, and oppressed.

Kids, Families, God

2007-02-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

I have had two conversations in the past month that have me thinking about the importance of religion in family life.

The first was with a friend who was sharing a bizarre conversation she had with another mother at the elementary school. The mother shared that her five year old daughter was really into American Girl dolls. (I have heard of them, but pretty much all I know is that they are expensive.) Apparently, this five year old has had American Girl dolls since she was an infant. The details are fuzzy now, but American Girl dolls apparently have birth places listed on them, and if a family is so inclined, they can go take a vacation at the doll's birth place...an American Girl vacation. This New Jersey family went to Williamsburg, VA. For a week. To visit a pretend birthplace. For a doll.

My friends and my husband and I had spent the better part of the previous night talking about religion. So after my friend finished her story, my comment was "this is why people need religion." I am just imagining: what if this family, who has the resources to go on a fantasy vacation for their five year old, went instead on a mission trip together? Perhaps offering Bible school for children, or sharing dolls and crafts and play time with children who don't have such resources. It seems to me that these people are dying to have something worth investing themselves in. I (not so humbly) submit that American Girl dolls don't fit the bill.

Then today, I was talking with someone who has moved to a new place in Pennsylvania. She is becoming a part of a Mom's Club, and volunteered to help coordinate the annual picnic. Because of a schedule conflict and a dead cell phone battery, she was not at the first formal planning meeting. What she thought she was signing up for was...a picnic. She was imagining a park, some grills, some playground time for the kids, perhaps some extra sand toys, and maybe some sidewalk chalk. Maximum investment of about three dollars per family, to cover park rental space and some common supplies, with each family bringing a dish to share. When she was apprised of the plans formed while she was away, she discovered the other three organizers are planning a small festival. They are planning to charge each family ten dollars, comparison shop at BJs and Costco for the best prices, prepare all of the food, rent some moon bounce style entertainment, and generally go entirely overboard... and call it a picnic. If she cannot persuade them to keep things simple, she is going to bow out. She was looking for a picnic.

I asked her, "do these women go to church? If not, they should. I know at my church, I could think of lots of things they could organize effectively... things that matter." I have been thinking all day of the wasted talents of the American Doll family and the picnic families. God has given them all kinds of resources and abilities... think what could be accomplished in love...if only they knew what was possible.

Megan (our youth director) and I were walking out of Union Hospital on Wednesday this week, when a woman standing near the door asked for a ride up the road to Acme. We went and got the car, and it took her several minutes to make her way over to the car, and get in. She can barely walk with a walker. Although she had just been discharged from the hospital, sadly she did not smell as though a bath had been part of her care. She explained that a cab ride for those few blocks would be six dollars, and she didn't have that kind of money. She wanted some sale items at the store. So we offered to drive her to our church food pantry, and then save her the thirteen dollar cab ride to her apartment.

Watching her climb the fourteen steps to her second level apartment was heartbreaking. Even more troubling was the state of her apartment. She is physically incapable of keeping it clean.
I am imagining the American girl and picnic families talents being put into cleaning, laundering, and shopping for this dear soul on a regular basis.

All of this has me thinking about how truly grateful I am for coming (back) to faith in my early twenties. And it has me thinking about how important our faith is in forming our family life. I think about how much our church family shapes the lives of our children, teaching them to be generous, loving, trusting, kind to others. I think about how comforting the routine is for them, to know that they will gather with the same community every week for a special time of fun and celebration, pray familiar prayers every day, and have tools to think through complicated subjects like creation, death, sin, forgiveness. As they get older, we will delve deeper into the questions and complications that surround such things, but for now, it is comforting to have age appropriate responses for such questions.

I think about the common purpose we share, both in our family and in our community of faith. I think about the ways we make decisions about our resources so that we honor God with what we have been given. We try to keep our religious convictions the organizing force in our family. Our hope is that our children will grow to live God-directed lives, living to bless others and honor God, for we know that self centered lives are lousy. Living for others is where blessing rests.

But it is not where profits flow. As Megan, our youth director, noted in Bible study this week, capitalism is not just our economic system, it is our organizing moral principle. People have become commodities, avenues for profit. Religion provides a much different organizing premise, an alternative. And from what I can see, we are more in need of such an alternative with each passing decade.

I fantasize on a fairly regular basis about writing a book on one subject or another. Right now, I am envisioning a book of interviews and stories of how faith forms families. Perhaps it could be a new hit in the child development section...God knows the children of our world need an alternative to materialism.

Naming Emotions

2007-02-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

One of the things for which I am grateful to my parents in raising me is that they taught me the importance of dealing with my emotions. I can only think of a few actual memories in which I consciously remember such lessons, but I know deep inside of me the lessons have stayed with me long after the memories of the time and circumstance of my learning have faded.

A few weeks ago when we were on vacation, we visited some friends with children close in age to our children. Shannon (who is four) was asking me to play a guessing game about why she had put up only one side of her hair. One of the children blurted out the answer before I could guess. Shannon was already exhausted from a weekend of fun, so she burst into tears. It floored me when, about ten minutes later, she said, "Abby, it made me really angry that you said the answer before my Mommy could guess, because you already knew the answer." Apologies were made and all was well again.

Then this morning, Shannon and I were stuck in bridge traffic. We have to travel over this bridge every day to get from our house to church, where she also attends preschool.

I had not been aware that bridge work was scheduled, and we were already running late. About three minutes into our wait, Shannon said "it is so FRUSTRATING to have to sit here and wait to go over the bridge!"

I am fond of saying that God did not give us emotions so that we could pretend we don't have them. I believe that emotions are a gift from God, and a part of living deeply. It is awe inspiring to watch my daughter live into this.